The Other Andrew

A Colourful Walk

2011-11-28T19:54:00.001+11:00

The recent wet and cool weather suddenly turned to bright, sunny, late Spring over the weekend. I spent almost all of the day out in the sunshine with Peter yesterday, either walking in the sun or sitting outside with a cheeky lunchtime white wine with Peter and his friend Kai. Glorious.

What happens Sunday to Tuesday?

So I grabbed my camera this morning and decided to enjoy the continuing sunshine and walk into work. (And work off a bit of the food and drink excesses of the weekend.) I changed my usual route a little and along the way spotted some street art I hadn't seen before.

Smoko break.

The curious wizards of the Bureau of Meteorology have read the entrails, cast the stones, and forecast yet more rain and cool weather later in the week. Bah. Until then I think I might make the best of it and see if I can't try a different route each morning, and see what else I can find.

5 Things About Friday, 25th November 2011: Blood Crazed Zombies of Newtown Edition

2011-11-25T12:00:00.004+11:00

Technically this is about last night, not today, but I stopped to grab a take away burrito last night and I must have made a tiny cut in my lip with the foil wrapping. Ever cut your lip? They bleed like crazy! There's nothing quite like the feeling of realising people in the street are looking aghast at you, only to discover blood dripping all down your chin. Sorry residents of Newtown, rumours that the zompocalypse has begun are overstated!
Speaking of zombies, my sleep problems have plumbed the depths of horribleness this past week. Numerous wake-ups throughout the night have left me feeling like a zombie. I was mildly offended the other night when Peter made a comment about my low energy levels, but I have to admit that he's right. Time to go back on the super strong meds I used to take methinks. Boo! I hated those expensive, nausea inducing little tablets. Nausea, empty wallet and possible liver damage Vs low energy zombiedom. It's my Sophie's Choice.
Today I read in the news that we've been treated to just 45 minutes of sunshine this entire week. This is LATE SPRING. Summer is but a cooee away! There should be children and puppies gambolling in the sunshine. Hotties lying on the beaches. This should be shorts weather. But no, Sydney has been plunged back into cool days (fair play, it's not eactly COLD) and torrential rain. Whoever is responsible, fix it.
Maybe I have Seasonal Affective Disorder? SAD. I haz a SAD!
On the upside (and lest you think mention of said burrito would infer otherwise) I actually dropped a bit more weight this week. Once I got to around the -13.5kgs point a month or two ago I sort of took my eye off the ball a bit, and relaxed my attitudes to food. What was really reassuring was that I haven't gained any weight at all since then. So the past few days I've generally been a bit more disciplined, burrito breakout nothwithstanding, and as of this morning I passed the -14kgs mark. Woohoo!

Summer Nights With Vincent

2011-11-17T13:57:00.005+11:00

It's been a few years since I deliberately planned and treated myself to a good summer read. A book made for reading in a park, or sitting in my courtyard on a warm early evening, or even for reading in bed on the too hot nights when I can't sleep and the ceiling fan just isn't cutting it. Something interesting, preferably weighty and a bit challenging, and maybe something I've promised myself to read for a while. A book with gravitas, or at least some eccentricity.

I'm not much of a beach goer, so not for me the slim, trashy, beach read. (It's an important distinction.)

I seem to gravitate towards art books and biographies as summer reads. Once, many years ago, when I was on what should have been a short work assignment in monsoonal, tropical Cairns, I ended being stuck there for 7 weeks. I was feeling lonely and frustrated, and after finding what was (at that time anyway, I'm not sure now) the inner city of Cairns's only interesting little bookshop, I consoled myself with a spending spree on summer reads. I read about the life of Gertrude Stein. Then I read her "autobiography" of her "tricky, dicky darling" Alice B. Toklas. I rubbed shoulders with Dorothy Parker and the Algonquin Round Table, before finishing up with Bloomsbury's own "house of lions", Vanessa Bell, Duncan Grant et al.

My memories of that time are an incongrous blend of Parisian/English/New York smart sets saying smart things in smart drawing rooms, torrential tropical rains, and hours spent lounging by the hotel pool reading during the all too infrequent breaks in the rain.

A while back I read an article about a new Vincent Van Gogh biography that was coming out based on new research, and which promised to be "the definitive" work on his life and death. Just the sort of thing for a summer read! I had recently signed up with a co-op bookshop that offers substantial discounts to members (after a small one-off membership fee), and a quick search of their website showed they had this book at $45.00, rather than the regular ticket price of $59.95.

So now I have it. Even the heft of it says summer read. It's thick. It's hardcover, which has been nicely wrapped in clear plastic by the bookstore (so as to protect from any summer evening sweaty hands or glass of rose accidents, no doubt). It has illustrations. All in all it looks just the ticket.

Homemade Space(ships)

2011-11-15T21:07:00.001+11:00

Sometimes it's hard to figure out how you end up where you are. And I don't mean that in the naval-gazing larger-scheme-of-things sense, but in a metaphor free literal sense. On the interwebs specifically. Link leads to link and suddenly you're in some unexpected side road off the great information super-highway.

I'm a bit of an architecture nerd, and being home from work today with a raw sore throat I spent some of the afternoon looking at interesting architecture that is a bit left of the mainstream. I started by reading about the fantastic re:START project in Christchurch, New Zealand. A pop up shopping precinct made from shipping containers which is reinvigorating the earthquake devastated centre of the city, but now sadly faces a lawsuit.

Shipping container architecture in a round about way (so round about that I doubt I could retrace those steps) lead to the "small home" movement. People who choose to live in tiny, often self made, homes. Including one enterprising 16 year old who is building his own tiny mobile house. And when these people talk about tiny houses, they mean tiny, to whit:

More interweb meandering from the poster of the clip above lead me to an interesting website called *faircompanies. Which is essentially an aggregator of clips, blogs and news stories with a theme of sustainable living.

Now I like my creature comforts, but on one level I would love to have the mobility to take off and explore the world. This video introduced me to Kyle and Jeannie, two nomadic artists who built their own simple little trailer and have been exploring the US since. Their trailer is quite basic, and as they put it is more like camping in a tent than being in a caravan. (They also have a charming blog and sell their handmade wares via their etsy store.)

Kyle and Jeannie are doing their travels in a much more rustic way than I think I could cope with. In spirit though they remind me a little bit of Lucie and Lachlan of The Vagabond Adventures. Sadly their blog is now no longer really being updated (as they are back in England running their business The Vagabond Van), but I loved reading about their adventures in Africa with their dog Bow Wow.

An afternoon of wandering the interwebs, that lead to nomadic adventures of a different sort.

5 Things About Friday, 4th November 2011: The Power of Tools Edition

2011-11-04T14:03:00.001+11:00

I was awake and ready to leave home quite early this morning, so I walked around to a nearby cafe and bought a muffin and a cup of coffee, and lingered over them at a picnic table in an adjacent park. An excellent way to start the day, although I could have happily sat there for much more of the morning and skipped the whole 'going to work' thing entirely.
I used to do the big Samurai (hai, yah!!) Sudoku puzzles from the weekend papers quite regularly, so with pencil in hand I sat down on the bus to knock one over rated Easy. Easy, like hell. Maybe I've somehow lost my sudoku chops through attrition, but the thing is sitting in my bag still quietly judging me. I choose to believe they mislabelled it, actually.
For some reason I felt inspired to buy a paper journal today. Not the lined Dear Diary style journal (with dinky easy-to-jimmy-open lock), but one full of neat little crisp, white, A5, ready to be written/drawn/pasted upon pages. A visual diary made by both Messrs Windsor and Newton. There's been a bit of a lack of creativity in my life of late, and I'm thinking I might give keeping an art journal a go.
Not that I need any encouragement to loiter in a stationery store, slack jawed, ready to spend a fortune on all of the Precious Things. Thankfully what the university campus store lacks in range it makes up for in reasonable prices.
After work plans today include swinging by KMart to buy a cordless drill. My first power tool! (Quelle butch.) Time to fully dismantle and chuck out the old beaten up outdoor table in my courtyard, in preparation for the warmer Spring/Summer weather. (Which may or may not happen, the way things are going I'm not fully convinced. It's been a cool, wet Spring so far.)

Relief

2011-11-02T21:15:00.002+11:00

The curious lump in my chest that has been consuming so much of my attention the past couple of weeks turns out to be a not very common, but completely benign, fatty lump. Not even a cyst. Simon, the very sweet ultrasound technician, was prompt in telling me that it certainly wasn't cancer. Then he showed me on the monitor exactly what it looked like. To be honest I could scarcely tell one grey bit from another grey bit, but once Simon said "It's not cancer" he could have been playing a rerun of "I Love Lucy" on the monitor for all I knew.

So yay. On the way home I bought a pig out dinner of some good porcini mushroom pasta, pesto, good parmesan, and a yummy bar of good dark chocolate. Tonight we live a little.

Little Treats

2011-11-01T21:36:00.003+11:00

Due to a mix up by the medical centre my (anxiously awaited) ultrasound appointment this afternoon is now actually happening tomorrow afternoon. Only a small mix up on their part, but another day of waiting to put my mind at rest. I was initially frustrated, but then by the time I left work it was almost weirdly a bit like being let off the hook for the afternoon.

So I decided to try and not worry about it and instead enjoy the Spring sunshine by taking a stroll along King St on the way home. The stroll became a bit of bookshop window shopping, then an early bite to eat of a yummy falafel at Sabbaba, and some further strolling nibbling an achingly sweet, delicious, rose scented chunk of Turkish Delight.

Not that I won't be glad to get this damn lump checked out, but if I have to wait and indulge myself in a bit of avoidance then sunshine and little treats are the way to do it.

Chopping Wood And Carrying Water

2011-10-30T14:30:00.000+11:00

Today I was walking home from breakfast with Peter when I got caught in a light spring shower. Instead of putting my head down and making a run for cover, I decided to just enjoy the combination of the mild day, the sun, and the light rain and continue my stroll. I'm glad I did because I spotted these pretty flowers growing beside the footpath and decided to stop in the rain and take a few pics.

Time to stop and smell the flowers, or at least take a photo of them.

The past few weeks have been a bit up and down. Peter's work has been very stressful for him of late, and although we are going great there are times when stress creeps into the relationship. His shift work hasn't helped either as it leaves him struggling with tiredness and a lack of routine. My own sleep has been a bit up and down as well, with my old insomnia problem rearing its unwelcome head again. So just lately we seem to both be struggling with on and off bouts of crushing tiredness. Despite that we've still had some really fun times together, and even on the hardest days a sweet little text exchange will work wonders to lift the spirits.

I also started a new position at work and received confirmation that my contract has been extended until at least 31st March next year, which was fantastic news and means that I can plan a bit for the immediate future. However, for two weeks I was essentially trying to juggle training and starting my new position, with finishing a 5 week stint relieving in another position for someone who was on leave. As understanding as both my bosses were it meant I kept having to shift mental gears (as well as locations) several times during each day and it became surprisingly tiring.

Some days I've had to just "chop wood, carry water" as Peter would say. Just knuckle down and get on with what needs to be done. That may sound unduly negative, because I've also had some great times over the past few weeks; fun nights out with Peter, a friend's spectacular birthday party that I helped organise, dinners and drinks with new friends I've made through Peter, and some quiet nights in cuddling on the sofa. So there have been definite "ups".

Worst of all though I had a bit of a health scare recently too which made me anxious for a while. I found a roughly pea sized lump under my sternum, next to the edge of my ribcage. My forebrain was telling me not to worry and that it was probably just a cyst or something, but the darker recesses of my brain were going holy effing shit. I still have to go and have an ultrasound test done next Tuesday, but my doctor examined it very carefully and pointed out all the signs that say it's a cyst rather than anything worse. So I do feel relieved now that I've seen him, but I'll be much happier after the ultrasound when I have an answer as to exactly what it is. Exhaling a little easier.

(I debated with myself about whether to write about that until I have had the test done, but I figure I should just be upfront about everything that's going on. I really am convinced now that I have seen my doctor that it's nothing serious.)

By the middle of next week I should have positive news on the health front, and from Monday I only have one (enjoyable new) job role to perform. I'm going to work hard at resolving my sleep problems as best I can, including talking to my doctor about maybe even going back on my old treatment regime. So I fully expect this little rollercoaster ride to slow down pretty soon. Until then, time to chop wood and carry water, and smell the flowers along the way.

Taking Care

2011-10-09T21:31:00.000+11:00

This weekend marked a couple of minor events that actually represent pretty big achievements for me. One was something I'd been working towards for a while, and the other was something that I had been avoiding for even longer.

Shortly after I started losing weight I decided to ditch my blood pressure and cholesterol medications, so that by the time I got down to my goal weight I could get them both retested and find my new natural levels. I'm still a kilo and a bit from my stated goal, but I decided it as time to get it done.

So I visited my new doctor ~~Doogie~~ John recently (who is both very sweet and about 12 years old, or so it would appear) and had a bunch of tests done. Given my family history I had poor expectations of my cholesterol levels, and even though they were much improved they were still bad enough for me to go back on the medications.

What I was pleased about though was that my blood pressure has gone from high back into the normal range. John was very complimentary, and said that he applauded the changes I had made to be proactive about my health. Frankly it was the pat on the back that I really needed, and I left with a big smile on my face and a sigh of relief. I have terrible family history when it comes to heart disease, and it was the realisation that I needed to try and avoid a similar fate to my father and all of his siblings that was one of the main impetus to start losing weight in the first place.

Secondly, something I have been putting off for a very long time... a visit to the dentist. It might sound like a trivial thing, but it was huge for me. I had very bad experiences as a teenager (4 rear molars pulled by a less than skilled dentist), and so as an adult my relationship to dentistry has been sporadic at best. I'm phobic. So making an appointment for Saturday and actually showing up were a big deal for me.

It wasn't so bad. Best of all my new dentist was very understanding, not at all interested in public shaming, and prone to placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I was cleaned, polished, x-rayed, rinsed and swilled, and left with the knowledge that while I have quite a bit more work to be done in the future, I would be ok with that. Yes the cost is daunting, but having just conquered that silly fear was quite a bonus.

So two fears put to bed, and most importantly two steps towards being more proactive about my future health. Two big steps for me.

5 Things About Wednesday, 5th October: Tumbling Edition

2011-10-05T10:57:00.003+11:00

In merrie olde England one of the most feared diseases was known as The Falling Sickness. Whilst I certainly don't have that, just lately I do seem to have caught the knack for falling down. Twice in the past few days I've taken a tumble, including falling UP the stairs at work this morning after misjudging a step. I saved the iPod but bashed a few fingertips (and my pride) in the process.
Yes I did have a brief and appropriate earworm this morning of I'll Tumble For Ya by Culture Club.
What age do you have to be before the word "fall" gains a capital letter? You go from having a fall, to having a Fall. I guess it's maybe less about age and more about consequences?
It's only a short week this week, but I'm still celebrating hump day.
I'm into the second week of a 5 week job change, relieving for an admin staff member who has gone on leave overseas. It's still technically part of my department, but I'm stationed in a different part of the university, at a different desk. Here's the thing, I hate the desk and chair set-up. Especially the tilt on the chair which some days makes my back a bit groany. So do I a) change everything to suit me and incur the potential gripes of the returning owner (a known curmudgeon), or b) tough it out? Which could be the lesser of the two evils?

The Power Of Words

2011-09-21T21:35:00.002+10:00

Sorry for the short absence, amongst other things I lost my internet connection for 5 days. I can do a bit of web surfing at work, but whenever I'm home I normally have the laptop fired up while I'm watching the tv. Without it, oh em gee. Cut off! Is this what being on Survivor feels like? Without the poor hygiene, rice rations and scheming. I'd like an immunity necklace though. Tribal accessories, so hot right now. Sorry, where was I?

I spent some time over the past couple of days thinking about the power of words. Words can hurt and heal. Inspire and disempower.

Peter and I already have a whole list of cute names for each other. Yes, we are those people. A harsh word at work can make for a bad day. Recently Peter and I were walking down the street holding hands (as we usually do) when an older lady came up to us and told us we were a sweet couple, making our day with just a couple of kind words. (Mind you we've also had at least 3 occasions when Mumblers, as we've come to label them, walk past and mumble chicken shit insults at us as they pass. Here's a heads up Mumblers, enunciate.)

At this point, lets have some musical relief before passing on:

What are words worth? Indeed.

I'm also currently reading (and enjoying) Embassytown by China Miéville, a novel that places language and communication at the very centre of the story. I find Miéville one of the most incredibly creative writers working in science fiction today, and this book about Language uses language in a creative way to examine the dramatic and unexpected effects that communication can have. There is a fantastic review in The Guardian by science fiction heavy hitter Ursula K. Le Guin

(And if you have a moment, check out Miéville's tumblr too, where he posts all sorts of interesting stuff. Then spend a moment contemplating the fact that he's also the humpiest piece of sex on legs working in science fiction today.)

Every week I download podcasts and vodcasts (speaking of words, because language is an organic creature we sometimes make them up!) by the guys at Monocle Magazine. This week there was a fantastic vodcast called Class Acts about some interesting goings on in Bogotá, Columbia.

The second story on the vodcast really affected me, and it was about an organisation whose name means The Power of Words. Don José Alberto Gutierrez is a rubbish truck driver, who lives with his wife in a disadvantaged suburb of Bogotá. Over the years he would rescue books that he found in the rubbish, until he amassed a collection of over 10,000 volumes. Along the way he used rescued books to educate himself, and now the ground floor of his house has become a community library

Watch the vodcast and have a look for the website of La Fuerza de la Palabras because they explain the amazing feat this man has achieved, and his noble aims to bring literacy, culture and advancement to his (and other) communities. [Note: click the little language flag widgets on the right hand side of their web page for an English Translation.] Watch it and let your cold dead heart melt a little/lot.

Then read a good book, or say a kind word to someone.

The Interim Birthday Post

2011-09-07T13:48:00.002+10:00

I celebrated my birthday last weekend, and I had a fabulous time. Really, it was an embarrassment of riches. Amongst the gifts both physical and emotional, I also received a cracker of a head cold. Ugh. I struggled into the office on Monday, but yesterday and today I've rarely moved from the bed or the sofa. Possibly the worst cold I've had in years! And it's gorgeous and sunny outside!

I call no fair!

Anyhoo, I'm struggling to do much of anything that involves a thought process, so I'll post some pics and thoughts about the weekend sometime in the next day or so. See you then.

This Never Happens In My Office

2011-09-02T15:18:00.001+10:00

Why does this never happen? This should happen!

An Open Letter To My Sinuses

2011-09-02T13:12:00.001+10:00

Dear Sinus,
Wow. Is this how things are going to be between us now?

I mean, how am I supposed to fix whatever this thing is that has gone so wrong between us if you won't be honest with me about what's the problem? One minute you're all "we made out with this hot rhinovirus and now we have a cold", and next you're just being all stuffy and uncommunicative. That really blows, you know? I've apologised for that thing with the finger, and anyway that was years and years ago. I think the time is right to move on, don't you? Unclench a little, we might both feel better for it.

And I really don't see why you get so irritated by pollen, she can be really sweet. At least she doesn't stab me in the forehead with a thousand fingers of pain just because I drank a frozen lychee slushy.

Cordially,
me.

Somewhat Of A Breakthrough

2011-08-31T10:33:00.001+10:00

I've mentioned my weight loss journey more than a few times recently, and things have been progressing pretty well, but in the past few weeks I haven't lost any significant amount of weight. I've been going out for dinner, having a few nights on the beers with Peter and other friends, and although (reassuringly) I didn't gain anything I haven't really lost anything either. (Although as I mentioned the other day, I did just recently go down a trouser size.) I've been bouncing between a narrow window of around 70.2kgs and 70.6kgs on average.

69.7kgs this morning. Awwwwwrighty then!

I upped the exercise this week, walking the 40 minutes walk to home from work, and watched the diet a bit more closely, and I'm over the magic 70kgs hurdle. My goal is 68kgs, so this puts me a bit closer. I'm in the 60's! This weekend is Birthday Weekend, so I'm expecting a bit of an eatfest and not much of a loss (if any) over next week, but if I can just keep on chipping away at it then it's all good.

Swimsuit weather is just around the corner, so the less wibble the better.

Monday Snippets

2011-08-29T15:46:00.001+10:00

Today I'm mixing it up a little. If you've read this blog for even a little while (like, er, since last Wednesday in fact) you'll know that I love my lists of 5 Things. Love! Them! I could write you a list of 5 things I love about 5 Things. But today I'm gettin' loose. I'm throwing out the rules! No loose themes for today. And why only 5 things anyway? 5's not the boss of me. I'm too wild for those sorts of rules, man.

So today is all about the the snippet.

It's official, my work has been extended past my finish date of 9th September, and I'll now be putting food on the table, and buying reasonably priced clothing from a certain large Spanish retailer with which I am borderline obsessed, until the end of October. Yay. It means a relocation to another part of the University, where the largely male workforce wear rugged 'workwear' and lift heavy electronic things, which you know can't be all bad, right?

Next weekend is Birthday Weekend, and the best gift of all is that Peter has the entire weekend free of work commitments. You know how there are some gifts you just can't wait to unwrap?

I've gone down another trouser size, and now fit into the two pairs of Aspirational Trousers that have been quietly judging me from the darkest recess of the wardrobe. One pair has never been worn, and still had the price tag on them. (They were aspirational even when I bought them, on sale, a few years back.) See hoarders, never throw anything away.

I read a report in the paper today that said sitting at a desk all day is as bad for your health as smoking is. It raises interesting questions about the outdoor 'ciggie break'. Clearly some of my co-workers, who are never at their desks and favour the long, languid smoke-o vs the quick nip outside for a gasper, are actually just looking after their health. It's a world gone mad.

Spring is in the air. I bought fresh flowers for the house the other day. My sweet pea plants that I planted in Winter and which have been growing at a slacker's pace have suddenly started a growing spurt. Short pants. Jacket free days. Hallelujah!

[Oh crap, that's 5 isn't it?]

5 Things About Wednesday, 24th August: Cube Farm Edition

2011-08-24T13:14:00.001+10:00

The crushing disappointment of finishing your trip into the office, sitting down at your desk, and lifting the lid on your coffee... to find the normally reliable cafe (which every morning remembers both your name and your order) has given you the wrong coffee.
Then finding the silver lining in the form of an opportunity to suck up to the boss, who likes a free cappucino very much indeed, as it turns out.
I sit a glass panel and narrow walkway away from the staff break room, and fyi the tech guys in our area take the longest breaks, have the filthiest mouths, and the dullest anecdotes.
I work in a very multicultural office, and from about 11.30am until around 3pm it's a constant parade of delicious Thai/Chinese/Indian/Middle Eastern smells. Even the Aussie guy who regularly makes toasted cheese sandwiches in the sandwich press manages to make it smell yummers, but maybe that's just my diet talking.
It's working again today (hello, web surfing) but yesterday our intranet web server crashed, which meant that all the software applications I use (all of which are web based) were offline. I filed. I tidied. I looked out the window. I made lists. I washed my mug, twice. I've had marginally more productive days.

Positive Effort

2011-08-22T12:16:00.003+10:00

In an introspective moment this morning it struck me how grateful I am for the changes that my life has gone through this year. As painful as the start of the year was, with work dramas and depression, the complete 180 degree turn around since then has been incredible. I feel healthy, happy, and most importantly I feel excited about the future. Considering that I was struggling to see any kind of positive future earlier in the year makes this feel kind of like a miracle.

And the most important thing is that I'm actually really proud of myself and that I've made this happen.

It's kind of weird to write that because bragging, tooting one's own horn (call it what you will), is something I can be kind of scathing about. But credit where credit is due, and I'm proud of the effort I've put in to move my life in a positive direction and so grateful of the fact that the effort has paid off.

One of the toughest things to get a handle on was my health. When I hit rock bottom in terms of how I was feeling physically and mentally I had hit 82.7kgs (182lbs). My blood pressure and cholesterol were high, my skin was in a constant Rosacea break out, and I was miserable about how I looked and felt. Tying my shoelaces, walking up stairs, catching an accidental sideways reflection in a store mirror, were all excercises that reflected physical and emotional shortcomings. I felt middle aged, fat and unhealthy. I wasn't huge, I don't want to overstate the situation here, but as a real shorty I had developed a pretty impressive belly and set of man boobs.

After being unemployed for about 5 weeks, feeling pretty low and about to become very broke, one morning I stuck out my chin and decided that I had to get a grip on things. I dug my heels in, dug out my old Weight Watchers points/calorie guides, went to the supermarket and bought a basket full of healthier food choices, and knuckled down for the fight. This was one thing I could control, even if the rest of my life felt like it was on the downhill slope.

In the first week I weighed myself and the numbers were good. I had achieved something positive, and I instantly felt better about myself. That for me is a really important lesson about depression too, when you feel frozen, stalled, you just have to achieve something that feels difficult. Do the dishes. Shower and get dressed. Go for a long walk. Something that you don't have the motivation to do, but is a goal that you can measure, big or small. As Peter (my beautiful new boyfriend for those of you tuning in late, but more on him later) would say, you just have to keep moving.

So, a new job arrived about this time. It's a temp contract but my team and I get along well, sometimes the work is a bit dull, but most importantly my effort is really appreciated. The stress is low, the pay is pretty good, and although it doesn't lead off into the distance as something permanent it's just fine for now. My stay has already been extended twice and I know that they want to keep me as long as they are possibly able.

The more things started to move, the better I felt. I stuck to my guns with the weight loss, and once I was in that feedback loop of effort and results it got easier and easier, to the point where as I write this I'm 70.1kgs (154lbs), and not too many kilos away from where I ultimately want to settle. Work is ticking along fine, and it now looks like my contract will be extended to the end of October. Even if that falls through, I feel confident that something else will come along.

Then one night last month a handsome young man who was tending bar started flirting with me, and after a few beers and a couple of hours of conversation over the bar I gave him my number. That was a big step for me, I'm very sociable but I don't always have a lot of confidence. I've dated plenty of guys, but I'm always surprised when somebody finds me attractive. I can be gregarious when I'm comfortable, but can also feel very shy. That night I was in a good mood, feeling pretty confident and upbeat, and Peter's natural friendliness and kindness put me at ease straight away.

We clicked immediately and praise be we continue to keep clicking. He's the most open, warm and funny person I could ever have hoped to meet, and we really get each other. It feels effortless, but even in that I can see the positive effort that we are both bringing to the table. There is effort involved in throwing caution to the wind, in making yourself open and trusting someone with all your vulnerabilities and your strengths. We both share a very similar moral compass, and in that I mean we see the world in very similar ways and have similar ethics even though our life experiences have been quite different.

So this entry is about counting my blessings, about reaffirming all that is positive in my life, and especially acknowledging that along the way I've had to make hundreds of little decisions and hundreds of little actions that have moved things along in the right direction. Chance has played a role too, but making decisions to grasp opportunities as they present themselves has been just as important. What a year it has been so far, and how excited I am to see what will happen next! And that is most definitely a 180 degree turn for the better.

It's About Time

2011-08-22T07:31:00.001+10:00

The first blossom I've seen this year. And because I love the word, could this be the harbinger of Spring? After the cold, wet Winter we've had I freakin' well hope so.

Lazyass Laziness

2011-08-20T11:05:00.002+10:00

I like the word "indolence." It makes my laziness seem classy.
~Bern Williams

I'd like to pretend that I woke up at 6.30 this morning because I'm a person who gets things done, who has cleaned the kitchen and other Herculean tasks before homemade croissants and coffee for breakfast, but essentially I just moved from the bed to the couch and have been here ever since.

But I did make coffee.

And not from a jar.

A Return To Form

2011-08-16T12:50:00.003+10:00

A couple of weeks ago I remembered that I still had an unsused gift voucher for the gay bookstore The Bookshop Darlinghurst that I had received as a birthday gift last year. And given that my next birthday is not all that far away (start saving now) and these things have an expiry on them, I should probably get into action and spend that sucker. So on a Saturday trip into the once bright and shiny gay mecca Oxford St (now sadly a tarnished and half shuttered shadow of its former self) I popped into the store and spotted a hardcover edition of the eighth Tales of the City novel by Armistead Maupin "Mary Ann in Autumn".

I had been a bit ho hum about buying it when it was first released because I was really, really disappointed by the previous book in the series "Michael Tolliver Lives". Ugh, that book nearly killed the whole series for me I disliked it so much. I feel like I need to go back and reread it at some point though, just to see if the scorn I've heaped on it since is still justified. At the time it felt like the mean spirited odd one out in the series, with some of the characters I had loved so much over the decades being cast as horrible middle aged versions of themselves.

Anyhoo, after I read some reviews that basically said this new book was the addition to the Tales series that we had hoped the previous one was going to be, I was more willing to give it a shot. (Truth be told I probably would have bought it anyway, even if it was just to see if I could throw it further than I had lobbed "Michael Tolliver Lives". But I would have gone for the paperback version, for aerodynamic comparison sakes.) And it was reduced, and it was now priced at the exact same value as my voucher. Sold!

And I devoured it in a few days, like I used to with the others in the series, and I really enjoyed it. The characters that had such a harsh eye cast on them in the previous book were a little more like the characters I had come to love. Older, some a little sadder, and less joyful than their earliest incarnations but still recognisable. The characters have aged along with the publication dates of the books, but this time I think it was handled better. The titular character of Mary Ann in particular seemed to be mostly back in Maupin's good books, after the horrible version of her that made its way into the previous book. I couldn't help but feel that Maupin had betrayed her somehow then. She was always the most complex character in the books, and I think that is just better handled here. The style of changing first person narratives, and the fun elements like the crazy coincidences that tie various plot threads together are all here too, and thank heavens for that.

If I'd thrown a hardback I might really have done some damage.

The Rallying Cry

2011-08-15T20:25:00.000+10:00

Peter and I got to spend an entire weekend together this past weekend, which considering the barely intersecting work schedules that we have was a rare and precious gem of a treat. After a larger than anticipated night on Friday night where we both sank more beers than is feasible (apparently at 3am I put my foot down with a masterful "bed!", as Peter tells it), Saturday morning was understandably a bit of a slow start. A slow, headachey start.

Getting out of bed involved cajoling, bargaining and a few implied threats... and that was just me to me. There was a marriage equality rally at 1pm on Saturday and it was really important for me, for us both actually, to attend and show that it was a cause that we supported. Peter and I both believe in the concept of marriage, and I know it's not important to a lot of gay people but I think just being able to have the choice available is important.

The rally was well attended, and we were glad to have gone and added our participation to the cause, but hard to hear speakers meant that we decided to take off after trying to hear our fourth or fifth speaker. Not before we got filmed cuddling by a film crew that is, but I forgot to ask them who they were so I still don't know if we made it onto the evening news!

After the rally we walked down to Ultimo to have a swim at the Ian Thorpe Aquatic Centre. Unfortunately the main lap pool was really cold, so after I pushed through three quarters of a punishingly cold lap, Peter and I headed to the highly warmed kid's pool. Even though it was only part of a lap, I could tell right from the first stroke that losing the 12.2kgs I've already lost was making a huge difference. It certainly made me want to get back into swimming in a bigger way once the weather (and water) starts to take a turn for the warmer.

So after a quiet Saturday night, Peter and I spent Sunday morning at the Marrickville Organic Food Markets with my friend Judy. Veggies were bought, dumplings were eaten and coffee drunk, and Peter bought me a lovely gift of a wallhanging with a Buddhist quote on it that we then hung above my bed. Peter and Judy took to each other immediately, which I thought would be the case as they are both very special, smart and funny people.

The rest of the afternoon was spent just the two of us, having lunch, strolling through Newtown and Erskineville, and then a few beers at the latest (temporary) incarnation of my old favourite watering hole The Newtown Hotel. Or, Freaky Tiki as it is now known. On a Sunday afternoon there were just a few of us in there, some locals and some very friendly staff, and thankfully not the crowds of hipsters that the place has become (in)famous for.

Rounding off the weekend with a quiet night in, cooking dinner and watching some tv, was a perfect end to a perfect weekend. Lots of time spent just enjoying being with each other, talking, holding hands and lots and lots of laughter. Lots of laughter, and I think that's possibly the most important connection of all.

A Walk Through Enmore

2011-08-06T14:58:00.003+10:00

I'm having a lazy sort of day today. Sydney is being treated to an unseasonal blast of Spring/Summer weather, and I have the day to myself as my beautiful paramour Peter is home sleeping after working a late night shift last night. I decided a lazy day was on the cards because I'm going out tonight to a big leather themed dance party, and so conserving energy and some later afternoon napping were the two priorities. I had a few minor errands to run, so I grabbed the camera and went for a walk in the sun through Enmore.

Go back through this blog, or my flickr photostream and I guarantee without fail there will be annual Magnolia photos. Bigger men than me have tried, so who am I to fight the power of the Magnolia?

I thought this yarn bombed old telegraph pole was charmingly done. Not just "Let's wrap this in a piece or knitting/crochet" but a bit more thought had been put into making it pretty.

But don't stop there, because telecomms switching box thingies need some love and pretty too.

And just a couple of houses down from the yarn bombed telephone pole this little someone came over for a cwtch*.

Once the cwtching was done, I ran my errands and then strolled home through the glorious sunshine. I even got a couple of texts and a loving call from the boy, before he turned in to catch some zzzzzs before he heads to work this evening. All in all a pretty glorious afternoon.

* For some reason, despite being 50/50 Scottish and English in our house ever since I can remember my family usually always used the Welsh word cwtch in relation to the necessary and important cuddling of animals.

Postscript: Here's a sampling of past Magnolia Madness.

Date Nights

2011-08-04T10:24:00.003+10:00

Peter and I are on very different work schedules, while I do a 35hr week 8.30-4 office job these days Peter's work has him on a variety of rotating shifts with quite a bit of evening work. Much of the time Peter's 'weekend' in Wednesday and Thursday, as it was this week. So last night we caught up with my friend David, who was in town for the evening from Newcastle, for dinner and some beers. David is likewise in the first flushes of a new romance, so much of last night was given over to all three of us talking excitedly about what the future holds.

On account of Peter's shifts he's often at home while I'm at work, so the day is peppered with lots of sweet text messages and emails backwards and forwards. One of his emails yesterday contained a link to a newspaper story about a feature length documentary movie showing in cinemas for one week only, starting tonight.

Kylie Minogue's "Aphrodite: Les Folies" concert. IN 3D.

Now not only can you love each sparkle, and each spangle, but you can practically reach out and touch the bouncing pecs on the dancing boys!

So I jumped online and bought tickets, and Peter and I have a date tonight with Ms Minogue (and a cinema full of very excited gay boys, no doubt).

5 Things About The Weekend That Was: Unclenching & Unfurling Edition

2011-08-01T12:10:00.001+10:00

Spring is a whole month away yet, but the weekend was mild and glorious here in Sydney. It's only a teaser trailer, because in August we usually get a last blast of cold and wet, but it reinforced just how much I am absolutely gagging for the warmth.
I had to grab the camera and go for a walk in the sunshine yesterday afternoon. I admire people whose photography is all about beautiful shadows, darkness and moodiness, but I'm most inspired by light and colour.
When I was depressed earlier in the year I pretty much stopped taking photographs altogether, and maybe it's because I needed to be able to open myself up to seeing all the colour and the light again.
It's official and agreed upon, I have a boyfriend. I even changed my facebook status, which prompted one friend to comment "Wow, it IS serious."
On Saturday morning Peter and I were sitting at a cafe in the sunshine, drinking coffee, chatting and watching dogs play in the sun, and I was stroking his back and the thought that entered my head was "my heart is full". What a curious old year it's been. From feeling like my poor little wounded heart was a clenched fist in my chest, to feeling it slowly unclench and open up to the point where I made room for someone else. I had to do it, I worked at it, and it feels like quite the achievement.

Limerence

2011-07-26T10:12:00.001+10:00

Years and years ago I dated a really lovely man called Simon who was a research psychologist, and I remember one particular conversation we had where he explained to me all about limerence. Since then I've read that in 1977 a well meaning psychologist called Dorothy Tennov invented the term for her 1979 book "Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love". Limerence (so the story goes) is the heightened emotional state of falling in love. English has no neat little noun for falling in love, love yes, but the process no. So Dorothy created one and "limerence" was born.

I'm not a fan of the word I have to say. There's no poetry to it, or if there is it's evocative of something that starts "There was a young man from Nantucket...". It seems too small and reductive a label for something that feels so huge. So intense, beautiful, scary, affirming and incredibly human. "Limerence" isn't opera, or poetry, or art, or great literature, or even a pop song but falling in love has inspired all those things. Maybe it's hormones, and juices, and synapses, and blood, and flesh, and a genetic imperative, but at least all those things are rich and powerful.

Falling in love. Falling. Falling in love is rollercoasters, turbulence, bungee jumps into the future and the great unknown. It's a shift in terrain. The rug being pulled out from under you in the best possible way. It's laughing because you missed the last step, but didn't hurt yourself.

I've met someone beautiful, kind and sweet. Who has a wonderful generous smile and thinks I have lovely eyes. He likes dogs, kids and kindness.

And I am so friggin' limerent. Having of limerence? Whatever, I'm falling in love and it feels absolutely grand.

5 Things About Thursday 21st July: Deluge Edition

2011-07-21T08:24:00.003+10:00

It's been bucketing down with rain here for most of the past few days. Everything feels sodden and dreary, and yes that's my socks I'm talking about in particular.
McGuyver Moment - After some strong wind gusts on the way to work this morning a bunch of the threads holding my umbrella's cover in place parted leaving me essentially with a metal contraption and a piece of flapping fabric. 2 minutes of studious application and 1 office stapler later and it should at least hold long enough for me to get home tonight.
Next I might attempt cold fusion with a water bottle, 2 bulldog clips, some white-out and my mobile phone recharger.
So that you don't think this winter has been all dreary and without rays of sunshine, as of last night I could fit back into my old 31" Levi 501s. (With a slight bit of sucking it in, but without the need for lubrication or heavy machinery.) Hell. Yes. As of this morning I'm under 71kgs.
Speaking of rays of sunshine, I met the loveliest, sexiest man a week and a bit ago. (And he's probably blushing right now because he reads this blog.) It's all very new, and we haven't been able to spend a lot of time together yet because of conflicting work schedules, but we have the entire weekend coming up to spend together. And somehow I don't think we'll particularly care if the rain continues.

Fashion In Motion

2011-07-10T21:55:00.002+10:00

I love reading fashion blogs and surfing the latest looks on websites like www.style.com. While I was reading the blog Polka Dot I came across this post and this post about a parade of Yohji Yamamoto clothes held at the V&A in London as part of a series of fashion events called Fashion in Motion.

Yamamoto cast real life couples from the streets of London and visitors to the V&A, and what I love is that gay and lesbian couples were included.

Maybe fashion is trivial, and maybe you could say that this is a gimmick, but in a genre populated by impossibly tall, uniformly beautiful people, seeing a diversity of people represented on a catwalk (including gay people) is kind of a fabulous change.

It's also lovely to see relationships being celebrated. In a time when a number of places in the world are legalising gay marriage (although sadly not the country I live in), any forum for equal representation seems like further shoring up of gains being made.

It wasn't so long ago that seeing two women or two men who are a real life couple walking a catwalk holding hands, displaying their real life relationship, would have been shocking. To me it seems like the most normal thing in the world, and hopefully the more representations of equality that are portrayed in all sorts of areas of life (whether 'serious' or 'trivial') the more people might agree with me.

Check out Polka Dot's two posts I linked to above, as she has some lovely close-up shots of the actual parade that give you a good feel for it, and show some other looks from the parade. There is also a larger collection of photos on facebook here.

Kindness

2011-07-07T19:35:00.000+10:00

One of the curious things about the period of depression and anger I've recently come out the other side of, is that the Buddhist Dharma (teachings) would have been a huge help through that process. While I still considered myself as a Buddhist through all of that dark period, in reality my practice and my reading of Buddhist teachings dropped away to almost nothing. I'm not sure why, maybe because not dealing felt like a failure and rigorous self analysis felt too painful. Totally not what the Dharma teaches, in fact gentleness and kindness towards yourself (as well as others) is a cornerstone of the teachings. But it is what it is, and now I feel it's time to move again.

So, I spent some downtime this afternoon revisiting the website for my old Dharma centre to get back in touch with what courses and meditation classes are coming up. I think I'll dip my toes back into the waters by volunteering at a Vipassana meditation retreat weekend with a teacher with whom I did an 8 day silent Vipassana meditation retreat way back in 2005. There are also some drop-in meditation sessions I might attend.

So thoughts of kindness were on my mind this afternoon when I hopped on the bus to head home, only to be greeted with the loveliest, friendliest "Good afternoon." from the young bus driver. In fact, he said a warm and friendly "Good afternoon." to everyone that got on the bus. Every single person. Sydney bus drivers are not well known for their friendliness, so everyone was just as surprised as I was.

But the results were dramatic. It at least put a smile on everyone's face, and many people visibly lit up. One old chap made his way to the front of the bus as he was getting off, and thanked the driver for his friendliness and his "beautiful manners". Such small gestures of warmth and kindness, with such big results. Everyone's day got a little brighter and that was an important lesson to remember.

Diet Friendly Chilli For One*

2011-07-07T18:23:00.000+10:00

I cooked this up this evening for dinner and it was so delicious I thought I might share it. This whole dish taps out at about 5 classic old school Weight Watchers(tm) points - 3 for the mince, 1 1/2 for the beans and around a half for the couple of short oil sprays. All the vegetables are considered 'free'.

125g of extra lean beef mince
1/2 cup of canned red kidney beans (drained)
1 can of diced Italian tomatoes (not drained)
1 carrot
1 stick of celery
1/2 an onion
1/4 green capsicum, diced
1 tsp preserved garlic (or 1 fresh clove)
1 tsp preserved chilli (or a small red chilli to taste)
canned jalepenos or mild peppers
1 generous tsp of sweet paprika (or to taste)
a large pinch of ground cumin
a shake of dried thyme
1 beef stock cube
olive oil spray

Spray a non-stick frypan with a quick spray of olive oil spray, and brown the mince. Remove the mince from the pan and set aside. Grate or dice finely the carrot, celery and onion (I use the food processor with the grater attachment). Spray the pan with another quick spray of oil and sautee the vegetables, garlic and chilli until the vegetables are soft. (Because I always cook for just myself, I find it hard to get through garlic and fresh chillis before they deteriorate, so I usually keep a jar each of chopped preserved garlic and chilli in the fridge.) Towards the end of the vegetables cooking I add the spices and allow them to cook off a bit to become aromatic.

Tip in the capsicum, tinned tomatoes with juice, beef mince and beans. Dissolve the stock cube in a 1/4 cup of hot water and add in also. Put a lid on the pan and cook on a low heat for about half an hour, until everything is tender and some of the liquid has reduced. Towards the end of the cooking add the sliced jalapenos or mild peppers to taste.

I think the mix of spices in this are important, you need the depth of heat and savoury flavours from the paprika and cumin. Just be wary with the cumin in particular as it's very strong. Better to add a bit extra later if it needs it, once you've tasted the dish in the final stages.

Enjoy!

* One fairly big eater, like me.

The Dating Game

2011-07-02T16:31:00.001+10:00

I have a real live, genuine, card carrying date on Wednesday night. Drinks. Dinner. Maybe even a show (or show and tell, perhaps).

Last night I was in the mood to go out, so after the usual round of texting with friends I agreed to meet up with some of them at the bears drinks hosted by the Harbour City Bears at The Oxford. No exact plans were made, so I arrived reasonably early and was happy to chug a few drinks, see who was out and about, and watch a rather unsettling and eccentric mix of Jackass and gay muscle porn that was playing on the big screens.

Various groups of friends drifted in, and I hung out with them, moving from group to group and getting introduced to their other friends in the process. Maybe the crowd was drawing dawn the moon, but there was certainly a fun energy out and about last night. At one point I circled back to my friends John and Mark, and they were chatting to (read: flirting with) a very cute guy who was inside chatting to us, while his girlfriend was having a smoke out on the little smoking balcony. And that's where things started to get interesting.

No he wasn't exactly straight, but yes he mostly liked girls. His girlfriend was very cool with that. He liked sex with guys when he liked them as people, but no he didn't label himself as bisexual. And he was an outrageous flirt, even opening his jeans at one point to prove he wasn't wearing any underwear (long story about the buying of underwear).

Fast forward a while, and a few beverages later, and I'm standing out in the smoker's area chatting to him, his girlfriend, and some of his friends. All of whom are fun, but really quite drunk. Anyway, one of the group was a blond guy, who like me was way more sober than the rest (I later discovered he wasn't drinking at all) who as it turned out had only met them all tonight as well. Like me he had been drawn into the curious event horizon of Cute Guy and his circle. Lots of conversation later, and as Cute Guy and his girlfriend descend into a relationship crisis that proves that maybe even the most understanding of girlfriends has her limits (for both drama and alcohol I suspect), blondie and I exchanged phone numbers and headed our separate ways.

And then he sent me a text today, and we spoke on the phone, and we have a date on Wednesday night. He seemed very sweet and nice, and it will be nice to have a conversation and get to know each other without the rage and tears (yes it got to that) of the not-bisexuals swirling around us.

5 Things: The I've Been Dieting Like A Bastard & Lost 9kgs, No Really That's Like Almost 20 lbs, Edition

2011-06-21T21:09:00.003+10:00

Unpredictability. Just when you think you’re going to ace a good result bam! a small gain, and conversely sometimes a weekend of drinking and carousing with only moderate self control is rewarded with a loss. I’ve learned to be sanguine about day to day fluctuations, it’s the forward momentum that counts. And I suspect it means The Universe smiles upon drinking and carousing.
Suspense. (See unpredictability.) Seriously, the only way the wait for the numbers on the scale could get any more suspenseful would be if my life cut away to an ad break just before I found out if I’m going to be above the yellow line.
Reward. It’s what I do. Rewards can be given for a) round numbers, b) odd numbers, c) percentages (-10% of my original starting weight was rewarded with retail therapy at Zara), d) for encouragement and e) on a whim.
Pride. All kidding aside, I’ve stuck with it even when I was jonesing for a pizza, or any number of other squidgy high fat delights, and both the numbers and vast reduction in belly don’t lie. My all round health is better too, especially important stuff like my blood pressure. For all of the above I’m proud of what I’ve achieved.
Smugness. I’m trying not to be, but I have moments of smug.

Joy

2011-06-11T09:46:00.002+10:00

ME AT NINE, PERFORMING TO MADONNA IN SUMMER '91! from Robert Jeffrey on Vimeo.

I could (and have) watched this video over and over. Such joy and self expression!

This goes some way towards lifting the sadness I feel about Kirk Murphy and the so called sissy boy experiment. [Anderson Cooper's story on Kirk can be watched here and here.]

Style Files

2011-06-08T21:27:00.000+10:00

I'm going through a mini obsession with sewing and fashion blogs at the moment. Over the past few weeks I dug out the sewing machine and pieced together a quilt top for a simple throw for the couch, bought a Japanese book of coats for men, and started planning fabrics for a new coat for myself. Meanwhile (and in part while I'm waiting for my measurements to stabilise, what with the weight loss and all) reading about sewing is almost as good as doing. To whit:

Unsung Sewing Patterns: an archeology of home sewing. Andrea's blog documents her experiment in sewing garments from old patterns and her research into the history of home sewing. What makes her blog fascinating is her focus on the unsung more utilitarian side of things; everyday garments, children's play clothes, workwear, costumes and clothes (like nautical styled "middy" blouses) that had a context that seems obscure to us now.
Colette Patterns Blog. The Colette Patterns blog is attached to the commercial Colette Patterns website and is written primarily by the company founder and designer Sarai Mitnick. What I love about this blog are the fantastic how tos, the technical articles (a recent series about fabrics was very good) but especially the excellent profiles of vintage designers. These snapshots of past designers are a great intro and springboard for further research, and I love that some of the designers are influential but perhaps not that well known.
OutsaPop is an English language blog by Finish blogger Outi with a particular focus on luscious photography, young designers, sustainable fashion and remade and recycled clothing and accessories. Her "trashion" as she puts it. Outi is so insanely cool and stylish, has a great eye, and has even styled a pop band with her "trashion". We are not worthy.

Determination

2011-06-07T22:11:00.000+10:00

In the past year I've had a definite tendency to focus on the negative. I hit a very rough patch that I wrote about here at the end of January, and even prior to that things were a bit up and down for a while. Most of this negativity was turned inwards, manifesting itself in lethargy, in frustration, in a lack of confidence and depression. In hindsight the horrible events of early this year at least helped at times to take some of the focus on me, by me, off me. So to speak.

But that was anger turned outwards, which ultimately is still negativity. (And by anger I mean moments of white hot imagining of head crushing rage.) The problem with holding onto anger towards past events and people that you no longer have any contact with, is that you can run yourself round and round in circles thinking of conversations you'd like to have, verbal smackdowns you'd like to rain down on them from a righteous high horse.

So the point in mentioning this climate of negativity is that sometimes it's so easy to focus on weakness, and much harder to recognise your own strengths. But I do have strengths and one of those is determination. Once I get to a point of resolve, I can be really self disciplined. Past determinations have involved weight loss, giving up meat for a few years, giving up alcohol for a few years, sewing interminable and intricate amounts of braid/gold cord/buttons on various costumes over the years.

Reaching the point of resolve is sometimes a difficult issue, but once I'm there I'm there.

I've been losing weight. I set my mind to do it about 5 weeks ago, and I've stuck to my guns. I just dug out some of my old Weight Watchers tools and set to it. No meetings or anything, just me and the bathroom scales. So far I've lost 7kgs, a very large portion of the belly and several belt notches, and I'm really feeling positive and much healthier. As a friend of mine once said, and it's since become my mantra... it's not rocket surgery.

The WW plan essentially boils down to a) portion control, b) reduced fat and c) reduced calories - they just give specific quantities of food a point score based on the calorie and fat content. You can blow all those daily points on something from KFC or MacDonalds and be hungry for the rest of the day (not advised), or you can eat a decent amount of lean protein, small amounts of carbohydrates and reduced fat dairy, and unlimited vegetables (highly recommended).

I've been a little bit hungry at times, but not much at all, and even that is part of the process. Not that I enjoy feeling hungry, but in the grander scheme of things it's both worth meditating on the benefits of not stuffing oneself to avoid ever feeling hungry, and on the fact that much of the world lives like this without choice or relief.

I was chatting with my co-workers today about abstinence and addiction (one of the young guys is trying to give up smoking) and one of them praised my determination. I hadn't really thought about it, but it's both a symptom and a cause of a more positive mind set I've had over the past month or so. Feeling healthier, looking better, getting that feedback from the scales, and recognising that when it comes to the crunch I can achieve even long, hard processes (full of temptations) if I put my mind to it. Resolve. Determination.

Ultimately it feels like a kindness I'm paying myself, giving myself the benefits of this both physical and emotional. And on the rare night when I've craved roast chicken and hot chips, or squidgy fatty pizza, I've worked really hard to remind myself of that!

Vivid Festival is Vivid

2011-06-04T11:28:00.002+10:00

We've had weeks of cool, rainy weather in Sydney so when yesterday turned out to be a fairly mild and sunny day it was quite the pleasant surprise. Not exactly Spring-like, but more like a mild Autumn day that Sydney normally does so well. (I figure we're owed one, given that we bypassed much of Autumn and went straight to Winter this year.)

One of the benefits of my new job is a 7 hour working day, so I finished work at 4 o'clock and the sun was still out and shining merrily. Blue sky. I decided to make the most of it and walk home from work, and burn a few calories in the process. It has rained almost every night for the past however many weeks, and given the total absence of clouds it looked like we could count on a clear night.

So while I was walking I decided it might be a nice night to grab the camera and go and check out the Vivid Festival later in the evening. I rang a friend who was sadly busy, but figured I'd go home and make some dinner and see if I felt like it afterwards. Almost a very big mistake. Friday tiredness + the lure of sofa = inertia. However, I gave myself a kick up the jacksie about 7.30pm and headed out into a pretty cool, but clear, night.

Wow. I'm so glad I did. These pics don't really do it justice, but it was amazing. The centrepieces of the Festival are the stunning 3D projection mapped animations by The Electric Canvas on Customs House, and the sails of the Opera House by SUPERBIEN.

The walk all around the foreshore of Circular Quay was also littered with light sculptures, performers and interactive artworks using light, colour and sound as their common themes.

Some of these pieces were static (like these jellyfish) but many of the pieces used movement and interactivity. Hard to capture in photos unfortunately, but in the flesh they gave everything a carnival like atmosphere.

People, especially families, were everywhere and all along the foreshore people were lined up with their cameras taking pics of the changing animations on the Opera House.

There was a bit of the usual push and shove that seems to be a feature of Sydney crowds, but it was generally a pretty fun crowd. And boy it was a crowd. It seemed like everyone decided to take advantage of the clear night also.

I shot soooo many pics. These are just a small sampling, and I've already put some more up over in this Flickr set. I'll probably add some more as I sort through them.

After a few hours I was starting to tire of the crowds, so I started to head back to the train station. I'd almost bypassed seeing the amazing Customs House light show, but I'm so glad I didn't because the projection mapped animations were stunning.

Here's a film clip of the Customs House light show, which really is the only way to do it any justice.

Such a fun night, and even home in time to see the room reveals on "60 Minute Makeover". Now that's what I call a good night.

I'm Mad About The Boy

2011-06-01T20:20:00.013+10:00

I know it's stupid...

...to be mad about the boy.

I'm so ashamed of it...

...but must admit...

...the sleepless nights I've had...

...about the boy.

[Don't forget, click the pic to enbiggen it.]

Winter In The Garden

2011-05-30T22:17:00.000+10:00

As I write this the rain is thundering down outside. It has rained relentlessly all day today, and my normal view of the city from my cubicle at work wasn't. (A view, that is.) Were it not for the fact that my office is on the 9th floor there could have been gorillas in that mist for all I could tell.

Apparently we're rounding off the coldest May in 40 years in grand style.

I took these photos of my sprightly new sweet pea shoots yesterday, and I'm hoping they're dealing with the beating they're getting out there. Is this what parenting feels like? The worry? The protectiveness?

Who will think of the children?

I planted up two pots, one has the lovely burgundy red heirloom sweet pea Sweet Velvet and the other has a heavily scented dark crimson through to purple variety called Busbee. Both should grow to around 2m tall, so by the start of Spring I should have two tall towers of blooms.

Weather permitting.

I Am Alive

2011-05-27T23:12:00.001+10:00

I am. Not just breathing. Not just with a heart pumping blood. Alive.

I should fill in some of the blanks on my unexpected, unplanned absence. Such a long list of "uns"; unhappy, undecided, unable. Unemployed. To name just a few.

I've come out of one of the most difficult times I have ever been through. So much unhappiness and anger, that some days I sat on the sofa (unwashed, there's another one) completely stalled. No cogs turning at all. After more than a month of this I thought "I should probably get some professional help".

I didn't, as it turns out. But I am writing this all in the past tense, so it is passed. Past. And good riddance.

By the end of last year I couldn't shake off stress and anxiety, and as the new year rolled around things seemed to be conspiring to up the ante. In late January I was fired from my job. Not retrenched. Not "let go". Not having a contract non renewed. Fired.

Fired by email in fact. By a boss who was so chicken shit, so inconsiderate and so unwilling to see how that might make me feel that he couldn't even speak to me face to face. A man who I thought considered me a peer. I still to this day don't have a real handle on the actual reasons, but I have (largely) gone past the point of caring now. It took a while.

Amusingly, and astoundingly, my boss fired me by email on a Monday and because of a busy week and a midweek public holiday I didn't read my home emails all week. I kept turning up for work, sitting at my desk alongside my boss, all week and he didn't say a thing. Not until he sent me a text message on the Friday night to tell me to read my emails. Such is the measure of the man, I figure.

So I never went back. Never said my goodbyes. Never got to give him the finger he so richly deserved. (And yes he broke the rules against unfair dismissal, and no I didn't pursue the legal action I could have. At the time I just couldn't.)

I spent all of February and much of March bouncing backwards and forwards between melancholy and rage. I ate. I sat on the couch. I cried a bit a few times. And then I decided that things had to change.

And they have. After being unemployed for about 7 weeks I landed myself a great job at a university. Working less hours, and taking home around $120 a week more than in my old job. Then about 4-5 weeks ago I decided I needed to get a grip on my depression era weight gain, and be more pro-active about my high blood pressure, and I started dieting and exercising more. I've now lost just under 6kgs and the gut is well and truly in retreat.

Things are good. I feel like I'm achieving something. Participating. Contributing. Being appreciated. And importantly feeling like I'm in control, energised and excited. Losing weight is a big part of that, and both a catalyst and a symptom of the process. I'm pulling my shit together, being disciplined, and in return I'm getting feedback and reinforcement every time I jump on the scales.

While I'm carefully watching what I eat that's not to say that I don't still want to serve up a big bowl of fuck you to my old boss. But maybe one day that dish can be served up cold.

A Christmas Miracle

2010-12-22T21:02:00.002+11:00

This is the honest truth, yesterday I served a customer by the name of Mrs Clauss. Mrs Claus! (Almost, just overlook the slight spelling variation.) So I had to ask, and yes the novelty wore thin many years ago. Right about the time that she made her phone number silent.

The To Do List, Done.

2010-12-20T22:30:00.002+11:00

Sometimes it irks me that I work every Saturday, when fun events are planned that I have to either miss or show up hours late for. What I don't ever mind though is that my "Sunday" is Monday. Having a week day to get stuff done, even if it's just to go and see a movie in a deserted cinema (bliss). When that Monday is on the same insanely busy week as Christmas it's extra appreciated. So this morning I woke up early and got the ball rolling on a day that came with a whole To Do List of its own.

First off I had to catch a bus to the hardware store. The hardware supermarket. Actually if anyone still uses the term hypermart then that's what this place is. My sister and brother in law are renovating their house, so the desired gift of choice this year was a gift card. A Bunnings hardware hypermart gift card. So I got on a bus and travelled the 10 stops to my nearest outlet, one of the hyperest of the hypermarts.

Here's a thing about hardware stores, of this variety... they discriminate against non drivers. Or more accurately we are probably just completely off their radar. First off there is no real clear pedestrian access to the place, you just have to take your life in your own hands and walk up the same ramp access that all the cars use. Then once you've made your modest purchases (because duh, one can't carry the bulky stuff home on the bus) any request for a carry bag is denied. It's a recycled box (handy for the boot of the car!) or nothing. So having bought an armload full of outdoor solar lighting (tall, thin, bollard style lights and a steal at $4 each!) I then did an inefficient juggling routine on the bus ride home.

All this before 9.30am. Then I headed out again and got on yet another bus and headed into the city to buy the last gift I had to get for my family. Fast forward through me wandering the aisles of a DVD almost-hypermart picking out about a dozen non-purchased gifts for myself, and one actual one for my sister. (Plus hanging out for a short while in the Gay & Lesbian section just to see who else shops those shelves.) A kind of brunch on the run, and then another bus ride home for a frenzy of gift wrapping prior to heading to the Post Office and squeezing in a haircut.

I'm so glad I made the change from getting $75 haircuts in a chi-chi salon to getting $15 haircuts in an old fashioned barber shop. 9 times out of 10 I'm happier with the cut, I'm certainly happier to leave $60 still in my pocketses, and I like the vibe of the place. The blue liquid the combs sit in. The 40+ year old formica*. The angled mirrors that line the narrow railway carriage of a place, designed specifically (it would seem) so that I can revel in the fact that my 46 year old pate bears no signs of impending bald spotness.

The guys that work there are friendly enough, efficient, and not the least bit interested in asking about where I plan on going on my holidays. Best of all there's a kind of pleasant yang quality about the experience. A kind of honour system that may well be the last bastion of gentlemanly behaviour is in operation, everyone knows where they are in the queue and as gentlemen one and all we all take our turns. Plus, in true Newtown fashion, it's a melting pot of all sorts of guys; young dads, old Greek grandpas, hipsters in what looks like vintage workwear (and ironic mustaches sometimes), and the gays. Like me.

Oh, score of the day! On the short walk home from the barber I found the Christmas cook book by one of my culinary gurus Elizabeth David further reduced to $9.95! Thank you Universe. It was $16.95 just a few days back. Given that it was originally about $30, and my need for more Elizabeth David in my life, I had to give myself a wee treat.

We're not quite done yet, but we're on the home stretch. I put my feet up for an hour and then it was another brush with bus going community of Sydney. Back into the city again for my work Christmas get together. Nibbles, drinkies and a fun present swapping Kris Kringle game ensued, before I caught my last bus of the day.

Maybe this non-driving thing has its drawbacks after all?

* Not a wild guess, the place proudly advertises it opened in '66.

Maths Is Hard

2010-12-16T22:12:00.001+11:00

Finally

2010-12-16T20:43:00.000+11:00

It has finally, thankfully, mercifully happened.

Like a stray fleck of glitter on my cheek I've finally developed the smallest little glimmer of Christmas Spirit, I bought my first couple of Christmas gifts. Not Earth shattering news, but a minor victory of sorts.

Tonight I'll make my list and check it twice. The naughty ones might even get something extra in their stocking.

Best Friends

2010-12-13T22:38:00.003+11:00

[Photos via Vintage Photo.]

A Tribute to McQueen

2010-12-13T11:29:00.004+11:00

A stunning tribute to the late designer Alexander McQueen by photographer Nick Knight, with music by Björk. Knight uses a series of black models wearing important McQueen gowns to celebrate McQueen's creativity, while Björk wails as only she can.

Upon The Deep Blue Briny Sea

2010-12-09T21:45:00.001+11:00

OK, the 2 boys in lederhosen are kind of ring-ins, but who can pass up a pic that cute? Plus, lederhosen.

Good Times. Familiar Faces.

2010-12-02T23:18:00.000+11:00

I've been a bit crook this week, after picking up a bug from my flatmate and I've spent the past 4 days or so feeling out of sorts, a bit achey, a bit of a sore throat, a bit hot and cold and with a headache for the past few days. So when I was considering whether of not to go out tonight I was originally thinking I'd pass, but as the day wore on the weather cleared and I felt a little bit brighter as well. I'm so glad I changed my mind because I had a fantastic night of catching up with old friends.

Back in 2005 I signed up for Flickr, at a time when Flickr was still relatively small but growing rapidly. Through Flickr I discovered a group of Sydney photobloggers who were arranging meet-ups and photographic outings. Anyhoo, long story short I joined them for an outing and met a fantastic group of people who not only shared a common interest, but that were also a diverse and fun crowd of people to be with. Over a year or so friendships solidified, relationships formed (including one between Morgan and I for a while), breakups, babies and mini dramas ensued.

So I was chuffed to get an invite via The Facebook to a nostalgic "mid week meet-up" (as they were known) for the core group of us that became quite close back in 2006. The venue for the meet up was the historic Harbour View Hotel, nestled gently under the soaring on ramp of the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

The Harbour View has always had a soft spot in my heart, since I saw the Aussie musical "Starstruck" as a teenager back in the early 80s. The Harbour View was used as the primary setting for the film. All the exterior scenes were the actual hotel, while the interiors were actually sets. The front bar in this clip above looks a little bit bigger in scale the real one, but the basic shape is the same. The decor is nothing like the one in the film, all gentrified and genteeled, and probably never was as iconically Aussie as this cinematic fantasy.

Unlike the old days I didn't even take my camera out of its bag, but everything else felt just like old times. Beers were downed, food scarfed, opinions shared and lots and lots of laughs had. Such a good night, and I left really hoping we could do it all again soon.

On the train home, feeling the warm glow of old friendships and 4 beers, I spotted a very Marilyn-esque blonde bombshell in a little black dress get onto my train. It was my friend Corinne who was heading home after the opening night of the show she was Costume Supervisor for. Corrine and I met years ago back when I was making a lot of costumes and she was doing the same, but for fun rather than profit back then. We chatted all the train ride home and it was a further reminder that we all have people in our lives that we may not see all that often, but the enjoyment of them and the impact they have on our lives doesn't really fade.

Old friendships that are renewed effortlessly feel really special, like a treasure you even forgot you were looking for until you found it.

It's A Parade

2010-11-27T10:57:00.000+11:00

Working in a little 'corner shop' style yarn store right on King St in Newtown is not without its entertainment value. (And frankly, as we've now entered the seasonal slow down for knitting and crochet, I'll take any entertainment where I can find it.) The first benefit of being right on the street is, naturally for me, people watching. Yes I mean perving, and yes I mean what the fuh? There is a rich tapestry of life that passes my windows and I couldn't be happier about it.

Another big fave of mine is the seemingly random question. Sometimes they're kind of obscure but you can at least see there was a logic string of sorts. Like yesterday when a woman who seemed a little worse for wear (drugs I suspect) came in to find out how much was the Christmas Tree in the window. Now we clearly don't sell Christmas Trees, either that or we are very low on stock (just 1 left!) and we have chosen to jazz it up with a shop full full of yarn as window dressing. Sometimes the logic strings are a little less obvious, and the requests a lot more obscure.

I can also hear people who stand outside the store. Frequently it's amusing and sweet, and boosts my ego when they are complimenting how the store looks or how the cute the window displays are. Every now and then I hear them be tickled/amused/gobsmacked to see a man working in a knitting store and/or knitting at the counter (if it's really quiet). Eh, nothing I'm not used to by now. Every now and then I just hear a snatch of something excruciatingly intimate being discussed. Sex. Body parts (male and female). Levels of drunkenness. Combinations of all three. I guess it helps that our store is just a stone's throw from the university (known hotbed of drunken fondling and genital obsessiveness).

And ah, Summer weather. That's when watching the passing parade becomes even more enjoyable.

A Good One

2010-11-24T19:28:00.001+11:00

Even though Tuesdays are essentially my Mondays (my weekend is Sunday & Monday), a quick mental inventory this morning revealed not a hint of Tuesday-itis. I was awake an hour earlier than I needed to be, but already the sun was shining brightly and my outlook was equally sunny. Who knew? So instead of rolling over and trying to get some more sleep I decided to carpe the diem and get going.

While I was pottering and getting ready it struck me that it has been a long, long time since I walked into work. Home to work is around 5kms (3-ish miles) and is far enough to get a bit of a sweat on, but not so far that I feel exhausted for the rest of the day. This morning was more like Summer than Spring, so I put on my sturdy shoes and some sunscreen and I walked to work.

I took a different route than I used to and I think it shaved a bit of time off my old walk. I made it in well under an hour without pushing it, and according to Google Maps my route was 4.9kms. Pleasant. You know how once you spot someone on crutches/with their arm in a sling or whatever, it seems like you continue to spot them for the rest of the day? This morning it was discarded televisions. In a half hour walk, and not walking through an area full of rubbish, I spotted three. That's statistically significant, surely?

My work day was pleasant. This morning's coffee was good. We had plenty of staff on for what turned out to be a fairly quiet day. The office was pretty quiet too, and I was able to concentrate on my work without too many interruptions. I even made enough space in the day to do some creative work, and make a big dent in the planning for the store promotions and windows for the 3 stores for the next 12 months. Yay.

Then when I got home there was a slim parcel poking out of my letterbox. Squee. A CD I should have bought years ago (considering what a huge fan I am) and finally got around to ordering from Amazon UK, after not finding it anywhere here in Sydney. (On sale too, it only cost me something like $10!)

The Platinum Collection. The very best of the very best. Even the crack in the back of the gem case couldn't put a dent in this day.

The Golden Age of Travel Design

2010-11-19T19:21:00.001+11:00

While web surfing recently I discovered David Levine's amazing collection of 1920s and 30s travel ephemera (luggage labels, advertising, timetables etc). Interested in graphic design and the romance of the travel of the era, Levine has amassed a huge collection of travel ephemera on paper. These pics are largely scans of his collection, rather than ones Levine found on the internet. The design of the website itself is quite simplistic but whoa, it's quiet some collection.

Travel brochure Ook Uverwacht men in...Sportpark en Natuurbad Biltsche Duinen, 1933.

Crociera-Aerea Transatlantica Italia - Brasile, 1930.

Sabena Airlines, 1938.

Timetable Adriatic Service, 1938. Yugoslavia.

5 Things About Tuesday, 16th November 2010: Forwardslash End Tag Edition

2010-11-16T21:05:00.002+11:00

After sleeping poorly for the past few nights I took half a sleeping pill last night and had a bizarre tossy, turny, fugue state sort of night's 'sleep'.
Consequently I got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning. Then got back into bed, got out of the other even wronger side of the bed, contemplated whether the foot of the bed could be considered a third 'side', and then decided no, my mood was probably bad enough as it was and turned to snarl at the day.
Because the Universe hates me back, for penance I spent most of the day uploading new products to the company website, a process that involves manually writing more html tags than anyone should ever have to write.
Dinner was nice. I'm clearly an emotional eater.
Do you know that if you Google image search on the text Jon Hamm trouser bulge you get some pretty substantial results.

Rainy Day Beauty

2010-11-15T19:33:00.000+11:00

It's been a dull and rainy day today in Sydney, fluctuating between drizzle and downpour it essentially hasn't relented all day. As a consequence I've been relentlessly sedentary all day. It was the least I could do. The most active thing I did was get started on knitting a new scarf for myself, while I watched Season 4 episodes of Mad Men or surfed the web.

While I was surfing the web I came across a fantastic UK website choc full of visual arts and design collections, VADS: an online visual arts resource. Wow. Designed as an educational resource it is a compendium of collections owned by various educational institutions. I'm still trawling through the thousands and thousands of images, but some of my early favourite collections are:

The British Library's Russian Visual Arts, 1814 - 1909 collection.

Zhar-ptitsa’ by Polenova, Elena Dmitrievna, (1850-1898)

I'm also loving two of the London College of Fashion's collections, firstly the Woolmark collection.

Hardie Amies, 1956.

Chloe, 1966.

Secondly, the awesome Paper Patterns collection.

McCalls, 1936.

Vogue, 1957.

Next I plan on staring open mouthed at the loveliness in the Central St Martins Museum & Study collection, the The Corpus Vitrearum Medii Aevi (Medieval Stained Glass in Great Britain) collection and the Charles Rennie Macintosh's Northern Italian Sketchbook collection. To name just a few...

Spring Colours

2010-11-14T12:23:00.002+11:00

A few pics I took recently while out walking with my camera.

There is so much beauty to be seen in this world. It's the looking that's the real skill, and I'm grateful to my camera for helping me to really see.

4 Months. REALLY?

2010-11-14T09:37:00.000+11:00

Sorry about that. I popped out to put the kettle on and got distracted. Ooh, shiny.

Even though I haven't drawn back the grill on this little confessional for the past 4 months it's not as if I haven't had things to 'fess up about. There have been highs, there have been lows, and there have been shitty times. (Literally, along the way I either developed some sort of virulent bug or Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and although it has eased off just recently touchwood I was suffering there for about 5 weeks. All tests so far have been inconclusive.)

And bless me for I have also sinned. Yeah Gods I give thanks for the sinning, because I've met some truly gorgeous guys over the past 4 months. And not just in body, but also in spirit. There has been crushes, there has been friendly hook-ups and there has been lots of flirting. At 46, who knew? Turns out there's life in the old girl yet.

5 Things About Tuesday, 6th of July: Bad Puss! Edition

2010-07-06T22:18:00.003+10:00

Fewer experiences can be compared to waking in the wee small hours of the morning to find teeth being sunk into your wrist. (Nothing Anne Rice/Stephanie Meyer about it, but in preparation for cat sitting for a friend next weekend I spent the night in her spare room last night and ouch, that's a bad, bad kitty indeed.)
I spent all day today methodically, endlessly, stultifyingly, adding the next 6 months worth of classes to our store's website. Copy. Paste. Edit dates. Save. Rinse. Repeat.
Consequently I spent a half hour fiddling with the window displays, just to feel human again. A small dose of pretty, but it was enough.
The perfect antidote to a dull day was dinner tonight (and a bottle of red wine) with a dear old friend/ex boyfriend.
Walking home through the cold night, still warmed by wine and the long goodbye kiss lingering on my lips, rugged up in my big winter coat and a scarf I knitted a while back, was actually quite pleasant. There are worse ways to end a winter's Tuesday night.

Sweet Chamomile Tea Kind Of Day

2010-06-28T16:12:00.001+10:00

Today was one of those days that just sort of slips through your fingers without it feeling like you've done all that much. I had a bit of a big night last night, out drinking with the boys to celebrate the retreat of my chesty cold. So I had a bit of a sleep in (for me) until about eight, and then futzed all morning. Pottered. Noodled.

I did have a To Do list for my day off though, and given that it was bright and sunny I added Laundry (inc. bed linen) to the top of the list. Once that was out on the line, I headed out to the Post Office to pick up a parcel of books from The Book Depository.

Despite the fact that the Post Office only left the parcel pick up notice for me during the week, I arrived at the post office depot (which annoyingly, is about a 20 minute walk further away than my nearest actual post office) only to find out that it ceased trading on Friday. A notice kindly informed me that my parcels could now be collected at another post office, not closer to home but nearly a kilometer further away. No map on how to get there on the door, just the helpful information that it's located 850 meters away.

And the horse you rode in on, Australia Post.

As it turned out it was a nice walk anyway. Today was cool but sunny, and so long I walked in the sun it was quite pleasant. Once I'd collected my books from a tiny little post office in Annandale, with surly staff ("ID! Show me some ID!") and a queue all the way out the door, I quite enjoyed the stroll back.

And that almost covers it. I've futzed some more, gave the super cute vintage 2 tier side table I rescued from the street the other night a good clean (it might end up as a window prop in the new Newtown store some day methinks), web surfed and spent ages re-acquainting myself with Kwannum Chu's gorgeous photographs. I've just made myself a chamomile tea sweetened with honey, and I'm thinking about heating up a small tin of baked beans and making some toast.

One of those sorts of days.

Recharging - Do Not Disconnect!

2010-06-27T10:53:00.000+10:00

Yesterday it struck me how much of my life is forever on recharge. I say 'struck me' because getting on the bus to go to work yesterday I discovered that there was no juice, no life, no anything left in my mobile phone, or my iPod. Ugh. (The real armageddon comes not with the fall of civilisation, but a couple of days later when nobody can listen to the latest Kylie through their earbuds.)

Toothbrush. Beard trimmer. All on the recharge list. If I was any butcher I'd probably add a cordless drill to that too.

So I'm on recharge this morning (in more ways than one). The phone and the iPod are plugged in and I'm doing my own recharge with a coffee, some web surfing from the sofa and a bacon butty. My cold of the week previous turned into the past week's chest infection, and coupled with an insane week at work, meant that by the end of this week I was running out of juice myself. As I said to my boss on Friday, this sale is breaking my spirit.

Oy vay. May you live in interesting times, as the Chinese curse supposedly goes. The last week of our big four week Winter sale coupled with having a class to teach yesterday (due to a scheduling snafu, we don't normally hold classes during our sale) and a mostly unrelated, but cascading series of resignations at work, made for a rather busy week.

That's understatement, fyi.

The previous week saw the resignation of our general manager and inhouse designer, who took a job in the fashion industry. Then our shop manager resigned, to take a job in the finance and banking industry. Then our Melbourne store manager (who is only 19 years old) decided she wanted to study, and resigned. Then one of our casual staff (and a favourite of mine, boo!) resigned because she can't keep pace with working for us and finishing her medical degree. Then my arch nemesis resigned, without even bothering to show her face and do it in person...

So, mostly bad.

After the required reeling, my boss and I were galvanised into action and we've already got two potential candidate's for the shop manager position in the main Sydney store. It's also allowed us to think about some restructuring of the Melbourne store, and to think about how we want the staffing of the Sydney store. I'm currently wading through many (frequently laughable) applications for the shop assistants positions we advertised. Seriously, would it kill you people to read the job description, and at least make some attempt to write English/address the job criteria/include a cover letter/use a spell checker?

Not all change is bad, and although it means some short term scrabbling I think it will allow us to make positive changes in the store and reinvigorate the place. Get some new juice back in the batteries, to risk overstretching a metaphor. Time for a recharge, indeed.

A New Love Affair

2010-06-27T09:09:00.007+10:00

I've always been a big fan of the pop group Sugababes, ever since I heard the cool laidback rhythms of their first hit Overload (here's a fab live version from Top Of The Pops). Part of the charm for me was Siobhan Donaghy's lead vocals on the track, with an edge that I found really appealing.

Well, after four years with the group, still being a 17 year old teenager, and coping (by all accounts) a pretty tough bullying from fellow band member Keisha Buchanan, Donaghy was depressed and climbed out of a window while on tour in Japan, ran away and quit the band. Other band members would feel the wrath of Buchanan and her fellow band mate Mutya Buena, and the Sugababes history would be one of line-up changes. Last year Buchanan, the only original band member left, was sacked for bullying the other two current members Heidi and Amelle after they both threatened to quit. Buchanan has since been replaced, but the group has come under lots of scorn in the UK for bearing little or no relation to the group. (Which I think is a little harsh, given that Heidi has been with the group since Donaghy's departure in 2001.)

Anyhoo, I was following video links on youtube when I discovered that Donaghy had released some critically acclaimed, if not commercially successful, solo albums. I listed to a track from her ~~first~~ second album "Ghosts" and now I'm hooked! Her style is much more indie and edgier than the work the Sugababes would go on to do, with some interesting production and world instruments.

"Don't Give It Up" - Siobhan Donaghy's first solo single from the Ghosts album

I just downloaded the Ghosts album from itunes, and these are my two favourite tracks so far:

"Ghosts" by Siobhan Donaghy (unofficial video made by a fan)

"Halcyon Days" by Siobhan Donaghy (video made by the same fan as above)

She hasn't had all that much commercial success, as I mentioned before, but it's really a shame that she hasn't. Her sound sits nicely amongst other singers I'm a fan of, like Kate Bush and Roisin Murphy. I'm now a fan!

My Kind Of Advertising

2010-06-20T11:38:00.004+10:00

I love this. I know it's only a viral marketing stunt to sell more cars, but what the hell... I'd be down that slide in a flash! Watching the different types of people taking the Fast Lane option made me grin like a fool.

Husband Material

2010-06-19T14:46:00.000+10:00

Every now and then, amongst a sea of black/grey/brown/navy menswear modelled by hollow cheeked 20 year olds with 28" waists, I'll spot something different that makes me sit up a little straighter and take notice. Anthony Keegan of the fashion label Commonwealth Utilities spiced up my morning when I spotted this trio of hockey player-thighed Fantasy Husbands he sent down the Fall 2010 runway amongst the bevvy of whippet thin 20 year olds.

I'm getting a Sunday morning just rolled out of bed and threw some socks and knitwear on over the long johns to grab the paper/let the dog out for a pee/put the coffee maker on sort of vibe.

With a bit of a honey, while I'm up do you want sourdough toast or a bagel? thing going on too.

Or maybe that's just me.

Rhinovirus And I. Not A Love Story

2010-06-18T22:34:00.001+10:00

Blech. My second cold of the year. Yesterday a co-worker of mine shared her theory that colds come in three year cycles, and while I'm not prepared to trawl back through the past three years of blog entries for proof, I wouldn't be surprised if it'd been something around three years prior to this year since I had a streaming head cold. (Right now I'm too fuzzy headed to do any sort of maths, or thinking for that matter.)

So, a hellish busy day at work. Week three of our sale and I'm battling this cold and a serious case of Sale Fatigue. We were short staffed today on account of other sick staff, and I never had any less than two customers at the counter. One. More. Week. To. Go. I love our customers (at least about 95% of them) but I'm counting down the days until there are a few less of them, quite frankly.

So. Friday night. Nursing a cold and achey bones. Next on the agenda a hot honey and lemon drink, and then bed. I have to work tomorrow, but unless I feel better (or at least not worse) I might have to call in dead. In the back of mind though I know that that would mean a terrible day for the few staff left to serve the Saturday onslaught. Not something I would wish on any of them. Anyway, we shall see.

Now, to bed. Nighty night.

Inspired

2010-06-15T21:32:00.001+10:00

One of my favourite design blogs Desire To Inspire has a weekly feature that is absolutely slaying me. Simply called "Pets on furniture" it does exactly what it says on the tin. There's pets, and they're on furniture.

But oh, the puppehs. (And sometimes, oh the furniture!)

Case in point:

"Here is my dog Baron on our Chesterfield. Sometimes I come home and see him sitting like that waiting for me! He's about 100 pounds at 18 months and cuddly like a teddy bear."
- Jeanette

I need to cuddle Baron immediately, once I've fetched him his pipe and slippers that is.

Popsicle Toes

2010-06-15T20:02:00.000+10:00

I'm not sure why but I had the unusual problem of not being able to fall asleep last night. I've documented my sleep problems on this blog before, but normally it's only a question of whether I can stay asleep, falling asleep has never been an issue. FYI, 2.30am on a winter's night, sleeping single in a double bed, is a cold and lonely place.

I had been tossing and turning for hours, so after a long internal battle about the merits of getting up (the perceived wisdom that it's better and more likely to bring on tiredness) Vs staying in bed (the perceived wisdom that it's warmer, just for starters), I grabbed a blanket and headed to the couch and my laptop.

By 4am I didn't feel significantly more tired, but I was starting to feel significantly more cold, so I headed back to bed. Now, I often have cold feet in winter. Real cold feet, not the jitters. But by the time I'd been back in bed for 5 minutes I knew I had a series case of popsicle toes. Throwing on a pair of socks didn't seem to help, so much so that I spent a few good minutes considering whether you could actually insulate the cold in with a pair of regular socks.

At 4am it seems a real possibility. I was prepared to consider almost anything.

Toe wiggling didn't seem to help. Frantically rubbing my feet together seemed to have a short term benefit, but then raised my heart rate so much that I felt more awake if anything. I considered getting up and either firing up the heater in the living room so that I could jam my toes up against it, or boiling water to make up a hot water bottle.

But then the rest of me gave my toes a reality check and told them to just man up and deal with it, because frankly the rest of me was not prepared to countenance another trip out of bed. The harsh tang of mutiny was in the wind. To make a short story long, somewhere around 5am or later an equilibrium between tiredness and toe warmth meant that I finally fell asleep. Until the alarm went off at 7.15...

Oh, come on.

Newtown Winter

2010-06-14T15:52:00.001+10:00

Today was one of the mild, sunny winter days that Sydney seems to do so well. In the shade it was quite cool, but out in the sun it was mild enough to take off the jacket and get some sun on bare skin. All that, and a public holiday too. Thank you QEII, and happy birthday!

Winter sun through vine leaves

Grey green foliage in the shade

I wandered into Newtown shops, had some breakfast, window shopped and cruised through the bookshops looking for desirable second hand finds or bargains (and found neither), took these photos, and generally enjoyed the sun. Not a bad way to spend a slightly hung over morning, before heading home to... clean the bathroom. (Sometimes being an adult sucks, FYI.)

Just say the word

Barby

My town, Newtown

No the cute earlythirtysomething boy I was dancing with last night, and very nearly went home with, didn't call. But that's ok too.

Contracorriente

2010-06-14T11:10:00.003+10:00

Yesterday afternoon my friends John, Mark and David, and myself, headed off to Circular Quay (almost under the shadow of the Opera House) to the Sydney film festival. John had organised tickets for us to see the gay themed movie Contracorriente aka "Undertow" from Peru. [Official site]

Wow. What a beautiful film! I can't recommend it highly enough. The film maker Javier Fuentes-León (um, woof!) spoke briefly before the film, and then stayed for a short Q&A session after the film, which really added to my enjoyment of it.

I found it really interesting to hear him speak about the realities of making a film about a gay love story in a deeply religious Catholic country like Peru. About keeping some of the plot lines until the end of the shoot, out of concern for the sensibilities of the local villagers. Many of whom were extras on the film. He also pointed out that although some people clearly disapproved of the developing story, many were actually quite accepting and the economic realities of the work the film brought to the village were such that nobody interfered with the production.

The story is primarily about the love affair between the closeted married bisexual Miguel, a local village fisherman who is only about a week away from being a father, and an artist called Santiago who has a summer house in the village. Santiago has a long history with the villagers, although he is still clearly an outsider. Partly because he is less concerned about hiding the fact that he is gay, something he only appears to be doing to try and protect Miguel. The action takes place within a few weeks, but it's clear that Miguel and Santiago have been lovers for a while at least.

What really makes the film is the performances. Wow. The chemistry between the two male leads (Manola Cardona and Cristian Mercado) is natural and really lovely to see. You have absolutely no problem believing that these are two men who love each other, even though the constraints on Miguel's upbringing and situation make it hard for him to admit it (although his actions express it more clearly than he probably knows). It's not just about the sex, there is support and love there. All the actors turn in fantastic performances, including Tatiana Astengo as Miguel's wife Mariela.

There is a plot turn (which I won't give away here) which takes the film in an unexpected direction, but it works beautifully. It tests the love between the two men, and makes Miguel face some hard truths about his situation. Ultimately the film is optomistic and positive.

...and I think I'm a little bit in love with Manolo Cardona who plays Santiago.

Those eyes.

[Updated: There is a new review of the film over at After Elton, but proceed with caution because it hints at spoilers.]

Facelift

2010-06-14T09:31:00.002+10:00

I thought I might take advantage of Blogger's new design features, and give things a little bit of a facelift around here. A freshen up. Maybe a brow lift and some lip plumping.

It's actually winter here rather than autumn, but I'm finding it hard to let go of the golden ginkos. Anyhoo, I hope you like the new(ish) look!

5 Things About Thursday, 10th June: Blockage Edition

2010-06-10T21:25:00.002+10:00

Much of today I spent being mildly aggravated by my glasses, which seemed to be suddenly and inexplicably ill fitting. On the way home I finally took them off to see if one of the arms was bent or something (because the only other thought that crossed my mind was that my face was suddenly lopsided), and I've lost one of the little nose pad thingies. Bugger.
Of all the things I've loaded on my iPod, it struck me today that two 70s disco compilations are by far the two CDs that get listened to the most. You can take the boy out of the 70s, but you can't take the 70s out of the man.
I bought a set of digital bathroom scales on the way home tonight. I'm pretty certain that I've been packing on the pounds lately (or all my pants have shrunk), and I need to a) find out how dire the situation has become and b) start fixing it.
I haven't been able to bring myself to put the batteries in it yet. Baby steps, m'kay?
I arrived home to find a note on the ~~crapper~~ ~~bog~~ ~~toilet~~ lavatory from my flatmate. Part plaintive wail and part cautionary tale that the toilet was blocked and a plumber was required. Oh puny mortal, you underestimate my plunger-fu. Like so many things in life, 5 minutes of enthusiastic pumping and it was all over.

Bake Sale

2010-06-06T19:25:00.000+10:00

I had a lovely afternoon this afternoon. I hied off to the Bake Off fundraiser for the AIDS charity The Bobby Goldsmith Foundation with my friend Judy, her son David and David's friend Kai. The BGF Bake Off is a long standing tradition, a bake sale on steroids (so to speak), where intricate cake creations compete for prizes and are then auctioned off for extraordinarily generous donations.

Festive decor in the Paddington Town Hall.

A cake creation.

Anyone for a sticky date?

One of my favourite drag queens, the clearly insane Joyce Maynge.

Quiet please, there's a lady on stage.

GaGa phones it in.

Another of the cake creations, Christiano!

I hadn't been to the Bake Off for a few years and it was a hoot, even though it lacks some of the crazy wildness of the early days. (For example, years and years ago I remember a certain German Mr Leather in backless chaps applying liberal amounts of canned whipped cream to his anatomy, and selling licks for charity. A bad time to be lactose intolerant.)

It was a nice mild afternoon but by the time we left the venue it was sigh dark, cold raining again. After negotiating our way through the crowds leaving the nearby football grounds, I stopped by at my regular Sunday afternoon watering hole to see if any of my friends decided to go for a drink. Not surprisingly it was quiet as few souls braved the rain and cold to go out for a beer, so I caught a cab home for a nice quiet night in by the heater.

Winter Colours

2010-06-06T12:44:00.003+10:00

I could have sworn these mushrooms growing on a tree on the footpath just outside my house weren't there yesterday! They're huge, the largest one is about the size of my hand across. I mean, I know they can grow fast, but can they grow that fast?

Like magic.

After The Boys Of Summer Have Gone

2010-06-04T20:25:00.010+10:00

While all the weather forecasts here are full of stats about higher than usual rainfalls, and the days are steadily marching towards their shortest and coldest, all I want to do is think of the boys of summers past.

Wine Time

2010-06-04T20:13:00.003+10:00

I just poured myself a glass of red wine and I'm sitting down to think about the (almost) end of a long busy week. And e-x-h-a-l-e. (I say 'almost end' because I have to work tomorrow, but it's hard to not think of Friday night as the end of the week.)

Last night and tonight I feel physically, achingly, exhausted. I frequently feel tired when I get home from work, but that's often as much mental weariness as anything, rather than feeling bone tired. Knackered. This week is making me feel old! We're on sale at work, as I mentioned on Saturday, and it has been insanely busy. We still have weeks to go but frankly by late today I was over it.

Well, mostly over it. I've had some truly wonderful customers this week, gotten some lovely feedback, had some fun conversations, and enjoyed interacting with people who have been on the most part pretty stoked to be getting a bargain. Today was the first day that I had a noticeable percentage of whiny customers, but I swear it's probably as much the weather as anything.

It's dark. It's rainy. It's really dark, and really rainy. All week it's been dark and rainy when I head off to work, and dark and rainy when I come home. Blech.

So, I just administered apple pie for desert and now it's time for a medicinal beverage. Maybe two. But no more because tomorrow we face the Saturday shopping crowds...

And the forecast says yet more rain.

Chronal Stasis, In A Pair Of Manolos

2010-05-30T19:54:00.004+10:00

I haven't seen Sex & The City 2. In fact, I didn't see Sex & The City (the first) either. In fact, the chances of me seeing either film (voluntarily) are somewhere between the likelihoods of me officially* becoming the future Mr(s) J Gyllenhaal and completing a conversation without the word 'actually'. That slim, actually.

So it was initially with a modicum of feigned interest that I became aware of the fact that Sex & The City 2 is in fact a science-fiction movie. And then I read the article and it's total genius.

It's the shoes. The shoes hold all the cards.

* Because dreams don't count.

The World Has Gone Mad For Yarn

2010-05-29T21:40:00.000+10:00

At least that's how it felt today.

Yesterday I pulled a 12 hour work day, getting ready for our annual Winter yarn sale at work. We finally crawled out of the store at 9 o'clock last night, tired, a little sore (all that up and down ladders is telling on my middle aged bones) and a lot exhausted. By the time I battled the wintry night, and a drunken Friday night crowd on the train, I was well and truly ready for bed.

Except, as often happens, it took me until midnight to unwind enough to actually go to bed.

So today I was already feeling a bit worn when I arrived at work, and that was before the onslaught. Our Winter Sale is always busy. Winter for knitters is like Christmas for kids, the source of much anticipation and excitement. And socks (except in this case they're not a disappointing present from your Nan).

OMG. Busy doesn't even begin to cut it. We took our in store record for the biggest opening day of the Winter Sale and we smashed it to pieces. From 9am we didn't not have a queue at the counter. In fact at times it stretched through the store to the back door. Everyone was unfailingly polite and friendly, which made a crazy day that could have been horrendous quite fun instead. People queued, they were gracious when we apologised for the wait, they even helped each other out and let people in a hurry with small purchases go ahead. Meanwhile I was stunned when I put through a sale for over $1,600 (OF. YARN.) ad then I saw one of my co-workers put one through for over $2,000.

We officially close at 4pm on a Saturday, but we only closed the door at 5.45pm.

By the time I walked out into another cold and wet night I was completely and thoroughly knackered. Bed soon methinks.

I'm Gutted

2010-05-20T20:06:00.004+10:00

Sad face. One of my favourite Masterchef contestants Philip Vakos was just sent home.

Phil reminds me of a number of the Greek boys I went to school with; handsome, masculine, yet sweetly gentle and emotive. But he makes dinner.

Yes, I have a crush.

[Inside Voice] Outside Voice

2010-05-20T18:42:00.001+10:00

To set the scene, I spent all of today on my own in the new (net yet open) store putting stock on the shelves. With the iPod in my ears. With occasional sing-along/bop-along action.

...:::LOUD KNOCK:::...

Me:
["Who's that?"] "Um. Can I help you?"

Unknown Woman:
"Got any mohair?"

Me (pointedly looking at the papered over windows with COMING SOON signage):
["Oh, GREAT. a) rude! b) are you serious? c) anyway, "got" is a lazy word*] "Sorry, we're not open yet."

Unknown Woman:
"I thought you'd want to sell me some mohair."

Me:
["You would think I'd WANT to, wouldn't you?"] "We'll be open in a week... or two."

Unknown Woman:
"I'll be gone by then."

Me:
["Good riddance!"] "Um, okay"

*To this very day I hesitate to use the words "got" and "get", courtesy of one of my better High School English teachers who dubbed them lazy. "Acquired", "received", "bought"... any word that was more specific and more of a stretch of vocabulary was preferred.

Happy Birthday

2010-05-20T07:32:00.003+10:00

...little blog of mine.

For today you are 6!

(Which means it's also time for a birthday shout out for my brother-from-another-mother Michael Guy!)

Accidental Penis

2010-05-18T21:15:00.002+10:00

Freakgirl posted this recently, and I've been giggling ever since.

45 going on 13, apparently.

Knitting Weather

2010-05-18T21:07:00.002+10:00

After an Indian Summery start to Autumn, suddenly it's all rainy and dark and it feels like Winter is just around the corner. As I write this it's bucketing down outside, so hard that I've had to crank up the volume on the teev just hear to Russell's machinations on Survivor. (Sorry, Evil Russell I should say). Now I'm wishing that I was further along in the jumper I've been knitting!

Speaking of knitting, remember the piece I designed and knitted for work? I discovered today that yesterday someone was so in love with the window sample that they bought it right out of the window! We do sell our shop samples but they are really expensive. By the time we've paid a sample knitter for their time to make it, plus added in the cost of the yarn (in this case 12 balls of yarn that sell for $10.90 a pop) you're looking at an expensive garment.

In one sense it's almost a pain to sell the samples, because we have to find an available sample knitter to make another and in that time the sales of the patterns and yarns for that item usually grind to a halt. I'm dead chuffed that someone liked it enough to buy it though!

Meanwhile, back to the knitting. That jumper won't make itself.

With Heurisitic Intentions

2010-05-15T20:38:00.000+10:00

These days my regular work week in the yarn store is Tuesday to Saturday, and one of my semi-regular Saturday afternoon gigs is to teach the knitting classes. I figure that now that I've taught my third Beginners Knitting classes, and one Intermediate Knitting class, I can accurately describe myself as a Knitting Teacher. I teach, therefore I am (one, that is).

It's tiring, as the class is 3 hours of being 'on', but we limit the class to 10 people and that's much more manageable than trying to teach a huge group. I get to spend plenty of time with each person and demonstrate the techniques one on one. Bringing the Magic of Knitting into their lives from my evangelican pulpit.

I used to teach people how to use bookkeeping software years ago, and enjoyed the one on one tutoring, but I was a little hesitant to start teaching a group. Despite indicators to the contrary (ie: blogging) I'm not normally one who enjoys the spotlight. (I prefer the Left of Centre to the Centre of Attention.)

But I'm loving it. We hand out feedback forms at the end of each class and my students have been most generous in their praise. Sometimes it pains me to see that some people struggle to get it, but hand/eye coordination is just not some people's bag. It become obvious that some have never attempted anything creative before, and are not brilliant with the fine motor skills that come with any form of art or craft.

On the other hand the rewards can be amazing. I taught my first intermediate class last weekend and 3 of my students from a previous beginners class were there. (Puffed up with pride would pretty much cover it.) Then today I had a really fun group that included one young woman who was intellectually disabled (her own description).

I met her during the week when she dropped in to show me some of her first attempt at knitting, and to discuss whether I thought she'd be able to do the class. Today she came along and she did brilliantly. She already knew the basics of the knit stitch, but I taught her how to cast-on, purl and cast off. At the end of the class she must have thanked me at least half a dozen times, and she couldn't wait to get home and show her family how much more she'd learnt.

Actually it's her I needed to thank, because it made for one of the most rewarding afternoons I've ever had at work.

13 Inches Of Joy

2010-05-13T18:55:00.000+10:00

I've been a bad blogger lately. Largely absent. Patchy in my performance. (Frankly, at this rate it's like I'm turning into one of any number of bad ex boyfriends.) However, recent events should change that!

Meet my precious. A new 13" MacBook Pro. So not only am I back in MacLand (after the older MacBook I was given by a friend packed it in), but most importantly when I get home from work I can pour a wine, plant my arse on the sofa, flick on the tv and surf The Interweb. This is modern living. It also means that the iPod Nano I scored as a very generous gift at Christmas time is doing what an iPod should.

Have you heard of these "iPod" things? Trust me, in my estimation they might just catch on.

I still have the desktop pc that James no longer required and very kindly gave me, but having the laptop facilitates Wine Time and Web Surfing without the need to miss my stories. It's an embarrassment of riches.

Give Me Back My Life!

2010-04-24T06:55:00.002+10:00

Oh man, I am still struggling along with this chest cold. What cold lasts for nearly two weeks?! I haven't had an actual cold for ages, so I guess I was overdue for one (if there's a quota system, that is). I'm such an overachiever. It's not bronchitis though, I've been down that road many times before and so far so good. Nearly two weeks later I still have all the stuffy head/sore throat symptoms of a cold.

Blech.

It's not bad enough to keep me away from work, but just bad enough to be really annoying. Stopping me from doing anything other than going to work, making some dinner and going to be each evening. Frankly, I should be healthy, wealthy AND wise by now with all the early nights I've had.

You're Doing It Wrong!

2010-04-23T07:43:00.002+10:00

As a tribute to the educational power of infommercials, I bow to present:

It's a wonder these people can even leave the house in the morning.

Dressed To Kilt

2010-04-18T12:41:00.005+10:00

Oh how I love the kilted silliness that is the annual Dressed to Kilt event.

What you don't see in this video clip is all of the performance of the UK tv's Scottish interior design duo Colin McAllister and Justin Ryan's trip down the catwalk.

McAllister & Ryan

A real life couple since 1985 the boys decided to seal the event with a kiss.

Awwww. Two of my favourite things, boys in kilts and cute guys kissing!

Advanced Style

2010-04-18T10:22:00.002+10:00

My friend Lyn over at Shades Of Grey recently posted a link to a fantastic new find, Ari Seth Cohen's Advanced Style. Ari documents the stylish and interesting members of the older generation, in a similar manner to Scott Schuman over at The Sartorialist.

I love it. Now I know what I want to be when I grow up, full of joi de vivre!

August Sander

2010-04-18T09:54:00.009+10:00

In between hacking up a lung or two (see my previous post) I've been watching DVDs, knitting,and making nice with the internet. In my travels on the information superhighway (remember that?) I stumbled across some photographs by the German portrait and documentary photographer August Sander (b 1876 - d 1964). It has to be said that his subjects are a pretty dour lot, but there's something about that direct and fearless gaze into the lens that has always intrigued me.

C'mon, say "cheese".

Chesty

2010-04-16T08:01:00.003+10:00

Looks like the cold that had started brewing when I went to Melbourne has become a full on chesty bit of nastiness. Ugh, I'm going to pop out and grab a coffee from the cafe near my house but then it's back to the bed/sofa for me. (My new flatmate has brought with him an extensive collection of DVDs, so I suspect the sofa is where I'll stay.) Laters!

Melbourne

2010-04-15T07:08:00.001+10:00

My little day trip to Melbourne was fun, but exhausting. My cab to the airport arrived a little early, so I left home at around 5.30am and was at the airport about a quarter to 6. IN THE MORNING. I'm an early riser but that's ridiculous.

Naturalmente my first stop was the little coffee bar in the departures lounge (where I got myself a surprisingly good cup of morning joe). I spotted my co-worker disappearing through the departures gate so I gave her a quick call and confirmed that she'd already checked me in at the electronic ticket kiosk thingy. Truly, I miss some of the glamour of pre-deregulation air travel in Oz but being able to do so much of the process online and being able to check-in ahead are pretty convenient improvements. Aussies, remember when we had to ring up the day before and confirm the flight?

Mind you, at times I would kill for a bit of proper in-flight service. Cutlery. Glassware. Hot food. Hotter flight attendants.

We got into Melbourne before the shop opened, and the shop manager was stuck on a delayed train and so her plans of opening up early for us were dashed. So we headed off to Degraves Street nearby for breakfast. Fortified by a truly fantastic cup of coffee and a delicious BLT baguette we headed back to the shop and worked solidly until 5pm.

I installed windows, I drew up plans, I measured, I discussed options and at one point I even got the iron out and ironed a banner that we later hung in the window. The shop looked pretty good, just in need of a bit of tweaking, some layout adjustments and making some of the displays look a little stronger.

We flew back on mega-cheap Tiger Airways. From the hastily built demountable terminal, to the long Av Gas scented walk across the tarmac, to the worn fabrics on the seat, travel with Tiger was an experience. A couple of the cabin crew were very friendly but they all seemed very young and some quite inept. Especially the chief flight attendant (no 'purser' here) who kept stuffing up the safety drill announcement, making some of the other crew giggle. Still, a shortish flight and a $6 beer later we arrived back at Sydney airport about 8pm.

Completely knackered.

Somewhere along the line I also picked up a cold, so I'm going to head into the office late this morning. I just wish I could get another of those BLT baguettes before I do so.

A Little Piece

2010-04-13T21:52:00.002+10:00

Nomotta yarns were right, a little piece of you does go into everything you knit!

Here's a pic of something that a lot of me went into, the 'Logan' oversized neckwarmer that I designed and sample knitted for the Autumn fashion windows at the store I work at:

It's not overly complicated, essentially just a huge tube of 2x2 rib, but I wanted it to be something that was dramatic and a real statement piece. (This is not a child's mannequin I shot this on, but a full sized adult one. This thing is BIG.)

I was inspired by some of the chunky knits that have made their way down catwalks recently, and by some of the early works of Sandra Backlund, so I worked this in 2 strands of 8ply (aka 'double knit') held double on chunky circular needles. Even with the chunky needles it soaked up the yarn like a sponge (12 balls in total) and took me quite a while to knit. Knitting to a deadline is not as much fun as knitting for pleasure, and as the deadline for the window display approached I spent much of my free time knitting this behemoth.

I was originally going to make it a bit smaller, but our in house designer suggested I really go for it dimensions wise. I was worried that it wouldn't work after I cast it off as being rib it stretches out to a HUGE size when you hold it up, but I always imagined it as something that could be twisted up dramatically like this, or pulled up as a hood. Combined with the other 4 garments in the window (all variations on this tubular neckwarmer/cowl idea or big textured wraps) it makes a really dramatic statement and is probably one of the more high fashion windows we've tried. I've noticed lots of younger women stopping to look at them, and we've already had offers to buy the samples outright (including one woman who wanted all of them).

We've had a whole second set of samples made for our Melbourne store in different colours (their "Logan" is a warm French grey), which thankfully I didn't have to knit. Tomorrow I'm catching the red eye to Melbourne to do a store visit, look at how we can improve their visual merchandising in general, and help install their version of the windows. Fun!

Except for the bit where I have to be at the airport at 6.10am...

Archie

2010-04-12T16:34:00.003+10:00

I had a really broken night's sleep last night, finally culminating in me losing my patience with tossing and turning and getting up not long after 5am. Sadly (sometimes) I'm one of those people that wakes up easily and is fully awake in a finger snap, so the only thing for it is to get up, or maybe read, but do anything other than lie in bed and wait for tiredness to return. My regular working week is Tuesday to Saturday these days, so I wasn't stressed about having to get up early for work this morning.

So I pottered around a bit, then came back to bed and watched youtube clips of the earlier seasons (not shown in Australia) of my beloved tv show QI. [Official website and QI on youtube.] I could not love Stephen Fry more! It's true. About 7am I started to get drowsy, so I rolled over and went back to sleep until just before 9am.

I hadn't been up long when my friend Judy rang about 9.30 and suggested we head on in to the Art Gallery of NSW to see the portrait competition The Archibald Prize. Judy doesn't work any more and so she and I often use my Mondays off to catch up and do fun stuff. Today also dawned a glorious mild day, so it was lovely to get out and about in it.

It also saved me from my one big 'plan' for the day. Housework.

One thing I love about urban Australians is just how much we appreciate and use our galleries. The Archibald has been going strong since 1921 and is so heavily patronised that they have to have crowd control. Winners, and the inevitable controversies, make the prime time news. There's a people's choice selection, and a 'packers prize' for the favourite of the storeroom packers. Even on a Monday morning the line for the exhibition snaked around into another gallery space.

These days a ticket into the Archibald also gets you into its 2 sister competitions, the Wynne Prize (landscape paining or figurative sculpture) and the Sulman Prize (subject, genre or mural painting). For only the third time since 1921, this year the Wynne and Archibald were won by the same artist, Sam Leach. I had a shortlist of favourite's in both exhibitions, but was completely entranced by Leach's 2 small jewel like paintings (especially his landscape), so I had no quibble with the outcome.

The first thing I spotted when we walked into the Archibald was a huge portrait of a musical favourite of mine CW Stoneking.

"CW Stoneking" by Cara Fletcher

I only discovered Stoneking recently but I'm swept away by his unique pre-war jazz and blues style. To quote his website his work swings from "lonesome field holler blues, to hokum blues duets, to full blown jungle epics". His songs make me think of prohibition gin, mixed race bayou bars and rolled down stocking tops. Amazingly for someone so steeped in blues traditions, although he was born to American parents Stoneking is an Aussie and lives in Melbourne.

"Jungle Blues" by CW Stoneking

After a truly fab ramble through the gallery, some lunch, and a walk through the park, we ended up where else but at Tiffany's. (I don't ever think I've stood as straight.) We strolled further, fondled some cashmere at House of Cashmere, bought comestibles at the David Jones foodhall, browsed for books, and had tea in The Strand Arcade before heading for home late in the afternoon.

Housework be damned.

Shopping For Inspiration

2010-04-11T17:38:00.002+10:00

Andy Warhol, 1965.

5 Life Lessons I Have Learned By Teaching Knitting*

2010-04-10T18:11:00.004+10:00

No matter how hard you try, some people will just NOT GET IT. Not even if you beseech them.
One (ie: me) needs to acknowledge this fact and move on, without throwing one's arms around their legs and screeching How have I failed you!?!
Others will really, really get it. Bzzzzzzzzzp! Ok, I've knitted 20 rows, now what?!
Either position can turn perfectly functional adults into being a kid again. Dejection or pride, pretty much 2 sides of the same coin.
I always start the class by teaching a simple slip knot. This is functional, but also highlights the Will Gets v the Will Probably Not Gets. From this I have learned that maybe I should start giving all potential suitors some sort of test. (Not the same one though because then I might only get guys into S&M.)

*A beginners' class at work, for 3 hours every second Saturday afternoon.

In Living Colour

2010-04-09T19:30:00.003+10:00

Well, well. There was a time when writing this blog was (amongst many other things) a kind of therapy. Putting it all down in the edit dialogue box was a semi-structured way of working through how I thought about stuff. I'm not sure where I forgot about that along the way, but I really should have kept it in mind. I've had stuff to work through you see, but didn't use this blog to help me figure my way through it.

In short, the first quarter of 2010 pretty much sucked ass (and not in a good way). I broke up with the guy I thought I was dating (Or is it that I thought I broke up with him? Given that... never mind.) on New Year's Eve, at a party, from which I walked home, leaving behind my favourite hooded jacket. Portents? Omens? You know, one of the reasons I often don't celebrate New Year is exactly because people seem superstitious that only a good New Year can equal a good year ahead.

Poppycock, clearly.

So, flashing forward and trying to be brief, Sometime up until a few weeks ago I got profoundly depressed. Not dramatically depressed, no renting or wearing of ashes, because so long as you weren't inside my head I gave most of the signs of actually keeping it together. But somewhere along the way I lost me it felt like. Despair must be terrible, but numbness is in the race as well. At least Dorothy Gale got to see Munchkinland turn into colour, which is a lot more fun than the reverse lemmetellyou.

No I didn't seek professional help, other than mumbling something to my doctor and then agreeing that yes it was probably something to do with my old sleep problems and no the strong drugs I used to be on were not a road I wanted to take again. I got up and went to work, sometimes went out with friends but became a bit flaky about turning up for things, basically stopped doing any housework, and on days off quite often remained unwashed and in my robe until I couldn't any more.

The weird thing about being depressed is it's not like your limb is hanging off and people can see that yes indeed, you are a tad poorly. Unlike an only semi-attached appendage sometimes it isn't so bad, and sometimes it seems much better. I had some good times over the past 3 months, and I had some quite average times when I tried to fake it until I could make it... and thought mostly about being home in my robe not doing any housework.

A few weeks back I decided that in line with my parents' Northern English upbringing, all I needed was to pull myself up by the bootstraps. Symptom or cause I don't know, but things miraculously made a turn for the better. Step 1, I needed to lessen my stress about the work/money situation, so I contacted my previous temp agency, and a previous employer, to see if they had any work going. One temp work offer was made, but I decided I also should approach my boss at the yarn store and put my cards on the table. Explain what I wanted to do, what I know I'm good at, why I would rather stay working for them than go elsewhere, and how much I thought I would need to live on to be able to do so.

Essentially they agreed. I'm now on a less modest income (though still not immodest by any stretch), and am in charge of visual merchandising for the 2 (soon to be 3) stores as well as keeping the website updated. The VM stuff is my baby, and because we are a yarn store designing windows means having garments to put into said windows, and to differentiate ourselves it also means designing and product development of said garments. I'm loving it. I put our new windows in a few days ago with 5 garments that I workshopped with our in house designer, and one I designed and knitted outright, and the customers are lapping it up.

About the time I received my promotion I also got a flatmate. The stress of breaking the housework embargo almost broke me as well, and it's true that much of the contents of the ~~junk room~~ front bedroom that couldn't go to Goodwill are now stacked in teetering piles in my bedroom. Awaiting being dealt with. In baby steps. But my friend Steve is all moved in and is paying his rent, and is working out just fine.

Having someone else in the house is a good thing I've decided. Someone to make you reflect on the fact that maybe you don't really want someone to see you welded to the sofa, in your bathrobe, at 3 in the afternoon, and that maybe it was time you brushed your teeth at least. I want to be alone has its uses, but it's time for a little less Garbo just now.

I'm a bit less poor. I have a bit more money in my pocket, and am not looking at a single digit bank balance while waiting for pay day. I've started to not only service my debt, but have started to put a bit away for a trip to Italy next year. I've been doing some stuff around the house. My creativity has been fizzing away, planning things for work and jotting down things I want to make for myself.

So much of my situation was stress related, I can see now. Wow, I do not handle stress well. Shut down all non-essential services, and just leave a pilot light running on some of them. Best of all I feel more like me than I have almost all year. The colour is back, cue the munchkin!

Next Thing You Know It'll Be House Keys In The Refrigerator

2010-02-21T08:56:00.003+11:00

And walking the streets with a fried egg on my head, having just eaten my hat.

My entire house smells like burnt coffee, with a hint of rubber. I put the stove top coffee maker on a short while ago, somewhat distractedly, apparently without any actual water in it. I passed it a few times thinking huh, that's taking a while to gurgle.

Well, aside from the melted rubber washer the thing is okay. No house fire. No billowing smoke.

I guess it's time for a walk to the nearest cafe for a coffee. Safer too.

Craft Show Shenanigans

2010-02-21T08:38:00.004+11:00

Those of you who warned me that Thursday was going to be a long day, no matter how much planning we put into it, were right! (See my previous post.) It wasn't helped by the fact that my boss arrived a half hour early. He was supposed to pick me up at 6.30am, but when my alarm went off at 6 I noticed there was a message flashing on my phone from 5.52am. Sorry I'm late, I'll be there in 5 minutes.

What. The. Fuh?

He had gotten himself all confused, half remembered a conversation where I suggested quarter to 7 was early enough and at quarter to 6 thought he was running late. A minute later he rang as he was a little lost, while I'm throwing on clothes unshowered and uncaffeinated and cursing like a truckstop hooker.

The rest of the day went pretty well, the 2 hour drive was uneventful and I didn't get us lost, and the stall set up was smooth but long. I was the only one with a real handle on how the thing went together, so even though I gave the others plans of how it was to be merchandised of course I ended up doing most of it while the other 2 chatted, futzed, stopped me with lots of questions or got distracted. I was so tired and over it by afternoon I even snapped at my boss that he might like to unfold his arms and put some of the emptied tubs back on the transport pallet.

Ooops. Note to self, watch that acid tongue.

Thankfully he is a cool guy and later apologised for not having done all that much, and thanked me for a great job. Okay then.

We finally left at 4 in the afternoon for a 2 hour drive home, making it a 6 to 6 day. He bought me a quick dinner near my place and by 8 I was falling asleep on the couch. The show stand looked good, we learnt a few lessons about how we could improve it for next time, and had a quick look at other stands to get more ideas. A tiring but productive day.

Road Trip!

2010-02-17T22:30:00.000+11:00

Ugh, I should have gone to bed already! Tomorrow morning I have to be up at sparrow's twit because my boss is picking me at 6.30 AM for a 2 hour road trip. We are Newcastle bound, to set up an exhibitor booth at a large craft fair. This time around the yarn store where I work decided to try something a little different, and we have created a whole new layout and merchandise for the company's stand.

At only 3m x 2m the booth is small, but we wanted to try and maximise its potential. My bosses gave me almost free reign to source fixtures, plan the layout and create packaging for a new set of kits we'll be trialling. The store has a collection of their own yarns that they have released in the past year, as well as exclusive patterns. So I've worked hard to create attractive kit packaging, and we now have a bunch of pretty cool kits of pattern + yarn in all sorts of price points. Most of which feature their own yarns, with a few that feature other popular yarns.

The fair doesn't start until Friday, but tomorrow is set-up day and we have a woman who subcontracts with us to run the booth who so far hasn't seen any of the radical revamp we've done on it. So in the morning my boss and I are heading to the location to work with her to set up the booth and lay out all the merchandise. I've packaged it, planned it to within an inch of its life, drawn planograms, packed the tubs with stock even... and now I'm pretty confident it should all come together.

Unless I navigate as badly as I did last week when my boss and I went to look at shop fixtures, and ended up about an hour out of our way and on the road to Canberra. Oops.

Steamy, With A Chance Of Thunderstorms

2010-02-15T18:03:00.004+11:00

It has been so unbelieveably hot and humid in Sydney these past few weeks, with little respite. Even on the days when the temperature hasn't been that bad, the humidity has been so high that it feels like the tropics. In the past few weeks I've had poor wilted tourists visiting the yarn store where I work, not having realised just how tropical Sydney can be. We've also had lots of rain, heavy, drenching evening rains especially, that haven't done much to relieve the situation.

The aftermath. It was raining when I set out to pay a visit to my doctor this morning, and the footpath in front of the doctor's office was awash in Frangipani flowers that had come down in the heavy summer rain squalls.

My neighbours have a Mango tree in their backyard, and one heavily laden branch is growing over the fence and is drooping down just outside my back door. This rather small mango seems to be the first to start to ripen. It's just a shame I hate the taste of them...

The rain we had this morning left beautiful silvery droplets on the other, larger fruit hanging from the tree.

Yesterday I had headed into the Art Gallery of New South Wales for an hour or so, before being due to meet up with friends at Sunday arvo drinks. On the way I passed the steps of one of the older a buildings in the area (I think it's some sort of courthouse building) and spotted this Frangipani flower. I liked the contrast of the soft, crisp form against the dark stone of the column and the column's base.

I had a nice little wander around the gallery, visited a bunch of my favourites, but realised as I walked in that I was just catching the end of a free talk given by artists Gilbert & George. Bugger, I would have liked to have seen the whole thing. I capped the rest of the afternoon off with drinks with friends, before heading to another venue to keep on drinking and watch a few drag shows. I'm currently working Tuesday to Saturday, so Sunday and Monday are my weekend.

Which now brings me full circle to my Monday off, a day of rain showers in the morning (and steamy, bright sunshine in the afternoon), a slightly hungover doctor visit (me, not her), the rest of the day hanging out and shopping with my friend Judy, and an afternoon movie. ("It's Complicated", which while not actually being a terribly complicated movie was a real good laugh, and enriched by the performances of Meryl Streep, Alec Baldwin and John Krasinski.) Not a bad weekend indeed.

Falling In Love With Love

2010-02-14T13:57:00.017+11:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

Pleasure/Payne

2010-02-14T08:07:00.007+11:00

Meet one of my new obsessions, handsome vintage actor John Payne.

Born in 1912, Payne started life as a wrestler and Vaudeville singer before starting out in B-grade movies for Sam Goldwyn. His early career included quite a few musicals, before he moved into dramas and westerns. His best known film is "Miracle on 34th Street" with Maureen O'Hara and Natalie Wood. Payne's career ground to a halt after a serious car accident in 1959, and he passed away in 1989, aged 77.

1930s promo shot.

With Betty Furness in "Fair Warning", 1937.

Payne in "Kid Nightingale", 1939.

1930s beefcake shot, check out that swimsuit!

On the beach, 1930s.

I haven't seen many of his films, I'm not to proud to admit that my interest in Payne is largely physical. So handsome!

You can read more about Payne at Brian's Drive-in Theatre.

Allow Me To (Re)Introduce Myself

2010-02-13T18:50:00.001+11:00

Hey. 'Ssup you guys?

Well, sorry about that unplanned hiatus. It was only supposed to last for a few days over Christmas and New Year, but one thing leads to another... and another. And here we are at another festive occasion (Valentine's Day) already. The middle of February, almost!

So, catching up time. The end of 2009 and the start of 2010 have been a bit of a rollercoaster so far, and I'm only just starting to feel like the ride has come to a complete stop (and some hunky, possibly even tattooed, carny has reached in and released the safety bar).

Christmas this year was a period of high stress mostly, juggling the search for more work (ahem, more on that later), poverty, the anxiety of not being able to buy anyone gifts this year, and the resultant mini-meltdown that ensued. Maybe meltdown is a little OVER DRAMATIC!!! but I basically hid under the covers as much as I could whilst still giving the outward impression of someone moderately functional. My sisters both came through with the gift of an airline ticket to visit them for Christmas, and so despite my cheeks burning with shame at not being able to afford to buy any gifts other than for my two nephews, I actually had a nice Christmas with them.

New Years sucked and was a very important lesson. If you are feeling confused by how into you someone you are seeing is, whether in fact a relationship might be on the cards or might not be, or it's just casual sex, the answer is... well, we all know the answer to that one. They've moved on and so now must you. Always trust your instincts.

So you don't think it's all negative, just one upside in the past month or so has been 3 of the best one-night-stands I've had in a long time! I'm not normally one for the one-night-stand as an oeuvre... but seriously, sex that could is not to be sniffed at.

Work has been problematic. Christmas and New Year saw temp work dry up completely, but in the meantime I have been able to pick up extra work at my other retail job in the yarn store. It just doesn't pay very well though, despite the fact that I really enjoy it! The promised ongoing position with the other mob I was temping for has not yet materialised, so I assume they are still negotiating their next big contract. We shall see.

So, a litany of stress and anxiety so far, with a few sparkling shags in between. Not quite an accurate picture, but not too far off the mark. Being strapped for cash most weeks has meant not doing as much as I would like to socially, but that's probably saving my liver as much as anything. I did see a couple of movies over the break, "Sherlock Holmes" (not bad, loved the costumes and Jude Law in equal measure), "Avatar" (I'm not too proud to admit I was totally blown away by it) and "Nine" (ugh, at one point I thought please kill me now). Now that things are settling down a bit my goal for the next few weeks is to get a bit of stability back in my life, spend a bit more time reconnecting with people I have been neglecting and perhaps bag another fantastic shag.

Perhaps.

'Tis The Season

2009-12-23T23:09:00.003+11:00

Sorry for the lack of posting lately, I've had a really rough past couple of weeks and although I'm not shy about talking about the good and the bad, I've been really flat and unmotivated. Thankfully, thankfully, things are on the improve. I'm still under-employed and not actually earning enough to even pay my rent at present (oops), but I'm about to head off for a few days to visit my sisters in Ballarat and I'm making a concerted effort not to think about the stressful stuff for the next few days.

Avoidance I can manage. Easily. In fact I've kind of been avoiding the whole Christmas thing this year. There are few stresses like feeling you have obligations or the desire to do things, and just not having the cash to do it. So I have basically avoided all social events over the past few weeks. If you are a 'real world' friend of mine, consider this an open apology if I didn't show up to something recently.

My sisters clubbed together and bought me a ticket to go and see them for Christmas, so I'm off tomorrow until the evening of the 28th. Now that we have agreed that I'm only buying gifts for my two nephews (even though that sucks because I love buying gifts, and even better wrapping them!) the stress has at least been eased somewhat. So tomorrow's plan is to try and get a bit of Christmas cheer happening.

I hope you all have a great Christmas/Holidays season, and I'll catch you sometime around the 28th!